Unforced Rhythms of Grace

“So how goes retired life?”  This question’s been raised with curiosity and perhaps a touch of envy as we meet people around town these days.  Yes, it’s been 3 weeks since we finished our work after 6 years in the development and leadership of the Kroc Center in Ashland, and after 34 years, 16 days of active Salvation Army service.  Where have the days gone?

They began, ironically, with travel to a funeral for a friend in Lancaster, PA, where I pulled on the beloved off-black pantyhose (along with my Salvation Army uniform) so that I could “dress appropriately to pay my respects.”  When I wrote those words, I hadn’t expected to do that on my first official day of retirement, but it was the right thing to do.  Hildred and Carl were early mentors on our ministry journey, and we were glad to have the flexibility in schedule to honor her and say good-bye.  I had another funeral this week , but I’m hopeful that won’t be a regular occurrence.

We had the privilege of welcoming Captains Brett and Jessica DeMichael to the Kroc Center and symbolically transferred the mantle of leadership to their shoulders.  Our shawl of prayer, created by the center’s knitting circle, was a cross between the mantle passed from Elijah to Elisha and Joseph’s technicolor dreamcoat.  As much as I was saddened at being “farewelled” from the leadership of the Kroc Center, I was rather glad that the mantle was on their shoulders when RJ’s Spraypark broke down on the hottest weekend of the year – “not my problem” anymore.       

What else?  We’ve had houseguests for a week, two charming young members of the Creative Arts Service Team that brought the joy of Narnia to Ashland, and we hosted a cookout for a couple of dozen people in conjunction with their visit.  We’ve traveled to Splash Lagoon to celebrate my sister’s 50^th by hurling down water slides – if she suggests bungee jumping for her 60^th birthday, count me out.  Then there’ve been job interviews, writing projects, car shopping, and of course, time spent with the lovely Madelyn Simone, now a delightful and determined two-year-old dynamo.

At the baby shower for Madelyn, each guest brought a favorite children’s book, and I chose “The Napping House,” written by Audrey Wood and charmingly illustrated by her husband Don.  I’d loved “King Bidgood’s in the Bathtub” for years, and so anticipated reading another of the Wood’s creations with our new granddaughter.  Little did I know that a line in the book would describe these first days of (semi) retirement: “And on that bed there is a granny, a snoring granny on a cozy bed in a napping house, where everyone is sleeping.” 

Yes, Larry and I have been taking naps.  In fact, I think there were a couple of days with two naps.  These are words of absolute shame for the workaholic woman that I’ve been for so long.  A non-Sunday-afternoon nap?  How could it be? 

Here’s what I’ve discovered – it’s about recovering a natural rhythm to the day, sleeping in the morning until my body wakes up, and sleeping in the day when my body feels weary.  As I take on new ministry and writing projects, I won’t have the luxury of sleeping during the day forever, but during this month of retirement/vacation, I’m snuggling into that cozy bed, knowing that before long Madelyn and I may be joined by a dozing dog, a snoozing cat, a slumbering mouse and a wakeful flea who bites the mouse – well, you can figure out the rest – or read the book!

Writing in “The Message,” Eugene Peterson shares words of Jesus from Matthew 11: “I'll show you how to take a real rest . . . Learn the unforced rhythms of grace."  Whether it’s physical rest, the peace of solitude, or a beach walk accompanied by the pulse of the ocean, I’m grateful for the pace of these days.  But I remember Lucy Ricardo’s confident “this is easy” in the chocolate factory assembly line, so when the supervisor yells, “speed it up a little,” I want the unforced rhythms of grace to continue to be the metronome that measures my days.             

Purple Ribblons

This shouldn’t be happening in Ashland.  Maybe in the big cities, or in some place far away from our home in Ashland County.  That’s where crime happens, that’s where television reporters gather, that’s where a missing woman makes the news – not Ashland, Ohio.  We shouldn’t have purple ribbons on our trees, the purple ribbons that signify domestic violence and the desire to bring a missing woman home to the arms of her family and our community.  But I can see one of the purple ribbons from my kitchen window.  This shouldn’t be happening in Ashland, but it is.

What we know about domestic violence is that it isn’t limited to any locale or to any specific kind of person.  It happens in small towns and big cities, in poor neighborhoods and in rich enclaves, in religious homes and in the homes of those with no claim of faith.  The lesson of the ages is that violence occurs over and over again, all too often between those who claim to love each other, and that people of both genders can be victims and perpetrators (although statistically women are more often the victims of physical violence).      

Domestic violence tends to be a pattern of behavior in a relationship that is used to gain or maintain power or control over an intimate partner (National Domestic Violence Hotline).  Unlike being accosted by a stranger at a random time or place, those whose lives are stained by domestic violence often live with an escalating pattern of words, emotions and actions that put the victim (and her/his children) in increasing danger.

So why doesn’t the victim get out?  Why would anyone stay in a relationship of any kind with an abuser?  If it were only that simple.  Beyond the financial barriers, the concerns for children, and the shame involved in having to admit to failure in a relationship, it may be just as dangerous (or even more dangerous) for a partner to leave.  In a study in 2000, Lees found that women are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or after leaving a violent partner.         

Because I’ve spent more than 30 years in the social service field, it’s easy to assume that I’ve seen more of this than most, and that’s probably true.  But it’s not the client stories that come to mind, as horrendous as they’ve been.  What I remember most is the neighbor on our street in Dover, New Jersey who was killed by the man who had promised to honor her and cherish her.  I remember the daughter of our maintenance supervisor in Cleveland who was pushed down the stairs by her boyfriend.   I remember our secretary’s sorrow over her daughter’s murder due to domestic violence.  I remember sitting in a courtroom with my friend, a clergywoman, as her marriage was officially ended by a judge because of violence in the home.  My co-workers, my neighbors, my friends. 

People hurt each other, people we went to high school with, people who sit next to us in church.   Men hurt women they love and women hurt men they love.  Idealist that I am, I wish I could wave a magic wand and eliminate violence and the threat of violence from our community and our world.  But there is no magic wand to wave, no crystal ball to predict with certainty which couples will struggle with violence.  And some will, even here in Ashland.

                “Bring Lynn Home.”  The purple ribbons that are wrapped around our community speak their message clearly, as do the t-shirts, bracelets and the thousands of “likes” and posts on Facebook.  But the ribbons speak a louder message for all of the Lynn’s, for all of the Rachel’s (Ashland native Rachel Kiser was shot and killed in April), for all of the grieving families and for all of the orphaned children: let us as a community do all we can so that all of our homes are safe.  As Maya Angelou reminds us, “The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are . . .”   Might it be so.

Drum, circle, kroc

From the pages of the Ashland Times-Gazette, Saturday, July 14th

Our oldest son Greg was in the trumpet section of the Shaker Heights Middle School band when a chance remark by the band director changed the course of his life – and mine.  “I need an extra hand in the percussion section today – does anyone want to give it a shot?”  Thus began the percussion lineage of the Shade family.

Greg’s little brother Dan couldn’t be left far behind, so by age 3 he was starting simple lessons: apple, apple, huckleberry, huckleberry, learning the rhythm of the paradiddle long before he knew what a drum roll was.  And now, in its second generation, the lovely Madelyn Simone can’t pass a drum without giving it a tap or two.  It’s in the genes.

It’s been quite the journey.  I’ve endured many a high school drum war, not sure if the victor was the most rhythmic, the best drumstick-twirler, or the loudest.  I’ve carried tons of drum equipment from the house to the mini-van to the gig and back, although I’m never allowed to carry the snare drum for fear I might drop it. But it wasn’t until last year that I was introduced to a drum circle.  How did I miss that all these years? 

The drum circle was held on a warm summer night at the First Friday series in downtown Canton, a street-fairish type celebration of the arts.  Greg was helping his friend Elec Simon as Elec led the community in an amazing symphony of drums, buckets, and sticks.  I was charmed by Elec’s style as he engaged veterans and novices alike, bringing a taste of his experience touring with Stomp to the Canton venue.   

My first reaction was:  wouldn’t it be fun if we could do this in Ashland?  So when it came time to plan the summer program for the Salvation Army Kroc Center, Elec, Greg and bass guitarist Matt Vick agreed to make the trek across Rt. 30 and lead a drum circle on July 14 – Saturday  at 3 p.m.!  I didn’t know at that point that there was an amazing drum circle at the high school, or who else in town shared my new-found passion – I simply saw this as a chance to connect people to music and to each other – and have some fun at the same time.  Only one condition – Greg had to promise to bring Madelyn with him.        

Although I’ve often warned against playing the “what if” game when it comes to life decisions, I couldn’t resist playing it myself as I write these words.  What if Greg had been shy and not raised his hand on that momentous day in the history of the Shade family?  What if the band director hadn’t chosen a selection that needed an extra percussionist?  What if we had said “no” when Greg wanted to make the permanent switch from trumpet to percussion?  My hearing might be a tad better today, but we would have missed out on so much over the years. 

That’s so true of life in general.  Some decisions take forever.  We seek the counsel of others, we bathe the choices in prayer, we make a list of the pros and cons, and we agonize over what direction to choose.  Other decisions happen in the blink of an eye.  We raise our hands, we volunteer, we flip a coin or we catch someone’s eye across a crowded room (as in the story of Ray and Joan Kroc), and the rest is history.     

We’ll all have our share of agonizing life decisions to make in the months and years ahead, but I’m not agonizing today.  I’m heading to the drum circle at the Kroc Center, rain or shine.  Last Christmas I found a colorful children’s gathering drum that I purchased for Madelyn, and I’ve been waiting ever since to bring it to the drum circle.  Be spontaneous – join me at the Kroc.  There’s room for a few extra hands or mallets around our gathering drum, or you can bring your own bucket, drum or conga.  And I’ll let you in on a secret – it’s OK just to watch and listen if you’re shy, but beware – you might catch the drumming fever!

 

The Lion's Roar

I don’t remember when I was first able to blend the letters of the alphabet into words, but since that day, books have proved a faithful companion through the vicissitudes of life, those unexpected changes that blindside us without warning.  So it’s no surprise that I snuck in a book or two in the midst of our recent transition – in between scrubbing the parsonage, writing “everything you need to know about running the Kroc Center but were afraid to ask,” and having the best retirement party ever – at the Kroc Center Spraypark with the KC Big Band and the people we love.  Thanks, Kroc Center staff – it was perfect!

            Knowing that I’d have to read in snatches of time, I chose the Chronicles of Narnia to keep me company through the upheaval of the last few weeks.  C.S. Lewis wrote this set of seven beloved stories beginning in 1949, and completed the last one just in time for my first birthday in 1956.  They’ve sold over 100 million copies, and even though they’re set initially in London in the 1940’s, the stories are timeless. They’re ostensibly written for children, but Lewis understood Madeleine L’Engle’s reasoning: “If I have something I want to say that is too difficult for adults to swallow, then I will write it in a book for children.”

            So why am I, in the days leading up to retirement, reading a series of children’s books without the lovely Madelyn Simone on my lap?  The simplest reason is that Aslan is coming to Ashland and I want to be ready.  The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe will be performed at the Salvation Army Kroc Center on July 12^th at 7 p.m., presented by the Salvation Army’s Creative Arts Service Team, whose previous productions of Godspell and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat have been exceptional. 

            To remind myself of the stories, I began to read, one chapter at a time, stepping through a wardrobe and into a land of fantasy where animals talk and where good and evil are clearly defined.  Welcoming me were Peter and Susan, Lucy and Edmund, Mr. Tumnus, Bree and Hwin, and Aslan himself.      

            In the midst of the unfolding story line, I discovered nuggets to ponder.  “Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”  Smile.  “Things never happen the same way twice.”  Yep.   And Aslan’s words to Digory:  “My son, my son, I know.  Grief is great.  Only you and I in this land know that yet.  Let us be good to one another.”  Ah, yes.

            Taking a step back from the magic of the story itself, I also read with an eye as to why these books are so powerful and so engaging.  Is it the unlikely adventure or the sense of mystery and magic?  Do we see ourselves in the characters – the squabbling siblings, the prideful Bree and Reepicheep, and Edmund and his craving for Turkish Delight?  What makes a good story?     

As a wannabe novelist, I’m also intrigued by how Lewis came up with the idea of Narnia.  He explains:  “At first I had very little idea how the story would go. But then suddenly Aslan came bounding into it. I think I had been having a good many dreams of lions about that time. Apart from that, I don't know where the Lion came from or why he came. But once he was there, he pulled the whole story together, and soon he pulled the six other Narnian stories in after him.”

It is Aslan who holds the story together, the Christ-figure, the lion who is not safe but who is good.  I find myself watching for a glimpse of Aslan, for a whisper of the promise in my world, “Aslan is on the move.”  And that is the grace of the story, that in the creation, sacrifice and redemption of the Narnian world, we catch a glimpse of another Lion, another sacrifice.

I’m so grateful that we’re never too old to push aside the fur coats in an old wardrobe and discover Narnia.  Listen – could that be the roar of a lion? 

   

Independence Day Musings

Independence Day. For my sister's 50th birthday celebration, we went to Splash Lagoon, a waterpark in Erie, PA.  We took turns keeping an eye on the lovely Madelyn Simone, who at nearly 2 1/2 is asserting her independence minute by minute.  I could sit on the edge of the kiddie area and watch her splash to her heart's content, but when she went towards the slides, I'd be sure to catch her before she swooshed down and plunged into the water.

A time or two, I had to rush after her when she went past the confines of the kiddie area and was within steps of the deep water of the adjoining lily pad feature.  While she understands the concept of "stop," she doesn't always heed the command, so I had to grab onto her before she found herself over her head.

Independence.  John 8:36.  "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."  Free from sin - yes, redeemed, forgiven, but not free to keep on sinning, and not free from the consequences of our actions and thoughts.  Free to choose?  Absolutely, but the choices either draw us closer to God or  find us running away from his care.  Free to be, as my friend Lucille recently reminded me, free to thrive, free to love.  Yet still we pray:  "Circle me, Lord.  Keep protection near and danger afar."  Let me be aware of deep water and of the times when I run away from you instead of running after you.  Draw me, Lord.


 

Ready or Not, Here I Come!

Ready or Not, Here I Come!

Gracednotes Ministries

Extending support to the body of Christ through

·       public speaking

·       writing services

·       consultation

As kids playing hide and seek, the seeker would count to 50 and then yell out, "ready or not, here I come."  After a while I learned that even if it wasn't the best hiding place, when I heard those words, that was it - I had to choose it and go with it.  So after 34 years of ministering within the Salvation Army, here I am, ready or not, stepping forth on a new adventure of faith.  Can I earn a living with writing?  Well, I'm willing to do some other things as well, but here's what the writing may look like:

Storying Ourselves

Is there a story in your life, family or ministry that is aching to be told?  Would you like a history of your church or a promotional piece highlighting the stories from your ministry?  Gracednotes Ministries can write, revise, and/or prepare your life or ministry story for publication.  You can begin with a half-written manuscript or share in story-telling conversation, and you’ll end up with a book to share with family members and friends. 

Writing Services

Do you have a message to share but struggle to write it yourself?  Gracednotes Ministries offers the following services to produce professional-quality submissions.

§  proof-reading

§  editing

§  guest columns for newspapers, newsletters

§  magazine articles

§  op-ed columns

I am ready - God's been preparing the way for a long time, and as a dear friend wrote to me today, "the One who began a good work in you long ago will continue to companion you until all your missions are completed."  So here goes - let me know if Gracednotes Ministries can be helpful to you.