Snitches Get Stitches

When I’m feeling especially brave, the delightful Elizabeth Holiday (now ten months old) and I join the lovely Madelyn Simone for lunch in her elementary school cafeteria. Because of limited space, each grade has its own twenty-minute slot, with the kindergarteners assigned to the final time period. All I can say is, “There’s a special place in heaven for lunchroom attendants.”

Watching the children in that setting, it’s obvious there is a lot to learn in kindergarten. Robert Fulghum sold seven million copies of “All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” with lessons such as play fair, don’t hit people, clean up your own mess, and flush, all good counsel for children and adults. I especially like this suggestion: “Think what a better world it would be if we all had cookies and milk around three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap.” But I’ve also learned a couple of lessons from the kindergarten lunchroom that Fulghum didn’t mention in his book.

The first comes from observing how the children eat their lunch each day. Since there is no one to tell them differently at this first table of independence, ninety per cent of them eat their dessert first. I doubt they ever saw the picture of the women at the dessert table on the Titanic with this caption: “Life is uncertain – eat dessert first.” No, they eat their dessert first because it tastes good – and they can!

Writing in “Operating Instructions,” a journal of her first year with her son, author Anne Lamott makes this observation: “Self-love is 80% of the solution, that it helps beyond words to take yourself through the day . . . with great humor and lots of small treats.” Whether as a frazzled new mom with a distressed baby or as a sibling up to your neck in one of those bizarre family situations that can only happen to you, great humor and lots of small treats work quite well, especially if chocolate is included.

The second lesson isn’t quite as pleasant. On each of my visits, one of Madelyn’s classmates assumed the responsibility to tell me what Madelyn did wrong that day. “Madelyn didn’t finish her work.” “Madelyn was talking in the classroom.” “Madelyn got up to get a spoon without asking permission.” Give me a break, little Miss Tattletale. Don’t you know that snitches get stitches?

The lesson, as painful as it is, is this: you can’t trust everyone to have your back. There will be snitches, tattletales, even betrayers looking out for their own good. They may not be as obvious about it as the lunchroom squealer, but we’re bound to encounter our share of them in kindergarten and beyond.

I’ve watched a similar scenario unfold on social media this past week. I’m part of a group of people on Facebook who have a common interest and who joined a group with the expressed understanding among the members that “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” In this non-public group with membership by invitation only, an undetermined group member sent a potentially detrimental screen shot of the discussion to a person of authority outside the group, not the first time this has happened. Why? The sing-song “I’m gonna get you in trouble” does come to mind.

As I read the comments of disgust and indignation when this betrayal was reported, I thought again, “It’s all right there in kindergarten.” For on my last school visit, one of the other girls came to Madelyn’s rescue and told the offender in no uncertain terms: “Stop being a tattletale.” And that’s what happened on Facebook. The group quickly circled the wagons, assuring the victim of both their outrage and care, and reminding all members of the agreed upon manners of the group.

Betrayal stings, but the support of those around us can see us through. Fulghum reminds us of the way: “And it is still true, no matter how old you are when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.” Words of wisdom for kindergarten, social media, and life. And don’t forget the dessert!

Gratitude

Located less than an hour from Ashland, the Massillon Museum is a wonderful art and history museum currently featuring exhibits on Fashion Outlaws, Masters of American Photography, and The Life of a Migrant Community. The museum spearheads a community-wide The Big Read, in which all local residents are encouraged to read the same book at the same time, Julia Alvarez’s “In the Time of the Butterfly.” There’s also a permanent exhibit of the Immel Circus, and best of all, admission is free – check it out soon!

I’ve been working with them on a capital campaign to expand their downtown location and to create dedicated space for the Paul E. Brown Museum, preserving their community’s unique football heritage. That fund drive received a tremendous boost from the state capital budget this week, and its announcement took me back about eight years to the day I held a million dollar check from the state of Ohio in my own hands.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t my tax refund. No, the payee on the check was The Salvation Army Ray and Joan Kroc Corps Community Center here in Ashland. Thanks to the work of Dr. Lucille Ford and the support of then Senate President Bill Harris, Ohio provided support for the construction of the Kroc Center. While much of the project was funded by a gift from the estate of Joan Kroc, we’d been tasked with raising local matching dollars, and the state grant was an essential part of that fund-raising.

The new Salvation Army center opened in April of 2009, and as we drove in the less-than-delightful April snow last weekend, Larry reminded me of what we were doing seven years ago – preparing to march with the Salvation Army New York Staff Band from the tired old citadel on East Third Street to the sparkling new facility on East Liberty Street. There was no snow under our feet that Sunday, as the band’s brass music disturbed the Sabbath rest along Main Street. What a celebration we had that weekend, as we welcomed most of Ashland to the brand-new Kroc Center.

The marking of significant dates in the life of an organization, individual or community helps us reflect on where we’ve been and where we hope to go. So at this seventh anniversary, I do hope The Salvation Army’s expanded presence has blessed the Ashland community. That was the prayer of those who worked tirelessly on planning, fund-raising, and construction, and continues to be the prayer for The Salvation Army’s work in Ashland.

On a personal note, changes have occurred in my own life in the intervening years since that grand Dedication Day parade. I’ve said good-bye to my mother, and welcomed two precious granddaughters to our family, the lovely Madelyn Simone and the delightful Elizabeth Holiday. Faced with a change of assignment, I retired from full-time Salvation Army work, and now spend my days as a free-lance writer, doing whatever my hands (and computer keyboard) find to do – as well as spending time with those beautiful little girls. As a smitten immigrant, I do hope my presence has blessed the Ashland community nearly as much as I’ve been blessed by Ashland.

I’ve enjoyed watching the changes in our community as well. It seems as though we’re doing better economically than seven years ago, and I’m glad to see the gradual downtown revitalization. And how much fun was the Bicentennial Celebration! We shouldn’t have to wait another hundred years to have such a great party – are you up to the challenge, Rick and Kim Spreng?

As I’ve reminisced these last few days about my life’s intersection with Ashland and the Kroc Center, it’s been with an extreme sense of gratitude. Melody Beattie expresses it so well: “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Thank you, Ashland, for feasts, friends, and a place to call home – here’s to a bright vision for tomorrow!

Ready to Rumble

My favorite clip from the NCAA basketball tournament is commentator Charles Barkley doing a celebratory jig at the end of the men’s championship game. He predicted the North Carolina Tar Heels would win, but when Villanova’s final-second shot claimed victory for the Wildcats, Sir Charles did a high-spirited happy dance. While his daughter is a Villanova fan, it appeared to me that Barkley’s exuberance welled up from his love of the game, not necessarily from his allegiance to any particular team.

I hope someone (besides mom) is telling these hundreds of college basketball players what a terrific run they’ve had, win or lose. It’s a shame that athletes who train for years and years to reach the pinnacle of their careers have to face defeat. I have no idea how sports could be redesigned so that everyone could win – or at least so no one would have to lose, but I feel really bad for the underdogs, those who just can’t make it to the victory circle.

Years ago, we ran Salvation Army youth basketball leagues at locations in Philadelphia and Cleveland. The basketball games were played in traditional fashion, but those victories were augmented by points earned by the kids for Sunday School attendance and scripture memorization. It was conceivable that on-the-court losers could garner extra points to raise their standing in the league. That strategy boosted Sunday School attendance at our church and others in the neighborhood for a few weeks, but when the team with the best record didn’t win the trophy, it definitely created some friction among participants and parents.

The concept of winning and losing permeates our culture far beyond the world of sports, and we learn its lessons early. The lovely Madelyn Simone likes to play board games, and we recently tried out the Dora the Explorer Memory Game. She hadn’t played Memory before, but by our second round, she was arranging the cards so she could control who would be the winner – and it wasn’t me. The experience of playing the game can be fun, but at six, Madelyn has already figured out it’s more fun if you’re the victor.

I get that. It makes sense in basketball and “Go Fish.” But as I checked the results of the recent primary race for county commissioner here in Ashland county, I was frustrated there could only be one winner. James Emmett Justice, Pam Mowry, and John Hadam all seemed well-qualified, with prior service to the community and good ideas for the future of Ashland. Each received 3000+ votes, and Justice won the primary election by only 53 votes out of the 10,000 votes cast. Is that the best way to choose those who will govern us?

That question is huge when we consider the on-going circus of the presidential primaries and the predicted hoopla and maneuverings of the up-coming conventions. In theory, one person, one vote sounds really good, but the long, brutal campaigns, the 24/7 media presence, and the influence of the super-PACs threaten to serve up a bruised and bloodied POTUS on November 8, 2016. Do we really want our national leader to be the last person standing after a fierce battle? Instead of choosing someone with the skill of Jack Nicklaus or Tiger Woods, the accurate shot placement of Venus and Serena Williams, or the cohesive play of the USA women’s soccer team, we’re witnessing a year-long Royal Rumble, where thirty wrestlers enter the ring. One by one they’re thrown over the top ropes until there is only one survivor. Forget the survival of the fittest – it’s the survival of the luckiest, or the pre-selected, scripted competitor. No wonder The Donald, the WWE Hall of Famer who won the Battle of the Billionaires at WrestleMania 23, is still standing.

Are we learning anything from this election cycle? If the hanging chad debacle of 2000 didn’t wake us up, will the campaign of 2016 force us to look at the process of electing the president of the United States? If we truly want the best person equipped to lead our country, there’s got to be a better way than bellowing, “Let’s get ready to rumble!”