The Word Became Flesh and Blood

Growing up in the First Presbyterian Church of Tonawanda, New York, I sang in the junior choir and attended Sunday School and the worship service each week. The sanctuary at Christmas was glorious, aglow in the wash of candlelight and echoing with historic carols. But the highlight of each Christmas season was the annual Christmas pageant, the nativity story with bathrobes and tinseled angel wings.

The First Presbyterian production was impressive, and casting for the pageant was a formidable task. The kindergarten children were little cherubs who knelt beside the baby Jesus, and I appeared in that role around age five. But following that stellar performance, the female roles were quite limited until junior high when one special girl was chosen to be Mary.

Since my Aunt Florence was in charge of the pageant, I assumed I had a good shot at the coveted part, but another young woman get the plum role of Mary in my first year of eligibility. I was the angel Gabriel, attempting to keep my balance while standing on a wobbly ladder with arms outstretched. By the following year, I knew it was now or never. But with no advance warning, my Aunt Florence decided to change the traditional pageant to some random Christmas drama – with no nativity scene.

To say I was scarred for life by that decision is an overstatement, but I never did get to play the role of Mary. Of course, at age ten or twelve I didn’t know who this ancient woman really was. Yes, she’d ridden a donkey to Bethlehem, given birth in a stable, and laid her newborn baby in a manger. But I had no idea that the news of a pregnancy would have been a problem (naiveté was still alive in children in the 60s), nor did I comprehend the prophetic words of Simeon in the temple that a sword would pierce Mary’s own soul. All I knew was that Mary wore the pretty pale blue robe and looked beautifically at her baby while the cherubs fidgeted and the angelic choir sang.

In Barbara Robinson’s “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever,” her uproarious account introduces the tough-as-nails Herdman family as they bully their way into the lead parts in the Christmas pageant. The narrator describes the day of the performance: “Imogene Herdman [Mary] was crying. In the candlelight her face was all shiny with tears and she didn’t even bother to wipe them away. She just sat there – awful old Imogene – in her crookedy veil, crying and crying and crying. I guess Christmas just came over her all at once, like a case of chills and fever. And so she was crying.”

In that moment, awful old Imogene Herdman understood the pain and the joy of Mary’s heart. I’ve been there as well in these days leading up to Christmas 2014, as I’ve felt the pain of the sword that continues to pierce the soul of our world. The unrest marching from Ferguson, Missouri across our land, the slaughter of the innocents in Peshawar, Pakistan, and the memory of Sandy Hook Elementary School deeply trouble my soul. I long for the “peace on earth and mercy mild” that Charles Wesley claimed in his classic carol, but somehow we’ve lost that message.

Did Mary know that peace and mercy? Chris Eaton and Amy Grant imagine Mary’s thoughts in their song, ‘Breath of Heaven.” Mary asks, “In a world as cold as stone, must I walk this path alone?” The Christmas narrative itself answers Mary’s question. “They will call him Emmanuel, which means ‘God with us”’ (Matthew 1:21).

The sword still pierces Mary’s soul and our souls, but John gives us good news (1:14) – we are not alone. “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” When the First Presbyterian pageant took a different direction (leading, sadly, to its demise), my mother rescued the sacred, scarred baby Jesus doll from a forgotten shelf and took him home. Today, the baby Jesus still resides in my mother’s home, a poignant reminder that “the Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood” (John 1:14, MSG). Might the baby find a place in your home as well. Merry Christmas.

Transformative Change: Honesty, Responsibility, Courage, Humility

From the introduction to Transformative Change: Honesty, Responsibility, Courage, Humility, by Michael Misja and JoAnn Shade

If you’re reading these words, perhaps it’s because something has kicked open the door for you and you’re ready to embrace change. It isn’t enough to appreciate change from afar, or only in the abstract, or as something that can happen to other people but not to you. We need to create change for ourselves, in a workable way, as part of our everyday lives.

Sharon Salzberg

In 1974, a Hungarian sculptor and professor of architecture invented a three-dimensional puzzle that captured the attention of the world. Not only has Erno Rubik's creation been phenomenally successful commercially, selling 350 million Rubik's Cubes, but it has also taught us a great many life lessons. In working on a book on transformative change, we found these three truths from the Rubik's Cube invaluable: Some things cannot be changed, you can never change just one thing, and you have to give up what you have to get what you want.

What is true about Rubik’s cubes, people in general and relationships in particular is also true about writing a book. Neither of us was too fond of group projects in elementary school, and so collaborating on a book brought its own challenges to us. What could we agree on? When could we agree to disagree? Could we somehow present a united message yet still maintain our own distinct voices?

The writing process itself confirmed again what we believe about change. It takes motivation, intentional effort, and the presence of the Spirit of God. It also verified the truths from the Rubik’s Cube, especially the understanding that you can never change just one thing. So it is with much gratitude for the grace of God that we are able to birth a book on the process of change.

When we first sat down to work on this project, we reflected on the lives of the hundreds of people we had worked with over our many years of ministry. As we talked about those who had made substantive changes in their lives, particularly in what might be seen as holistic ways, we asked ourselves, what made the difference for them? What did they do, what did they understand about change, and why was it different for them? Why did we see a transformation in them versus less significant change in other people?

Our conversations brought us over and over again to the concepts of honesty, personal responsibility, courage and humility. When people were committed to make the shift toward those four values/goals, and were accompanied in that work by the Spirit of God, they were able to move toward a spiritual and psychological transformation with lasting impact. Thus the framework of this book on transformative change in the life of a person who follows Christ.

These pages have had a long gestation period, and our own lives have experienced transitions that have put our thinking about transformative change to the test. We write from a place of recognition as to what can be, not a place where we’ve been able to live out these concepts perfectly in our own lives. Yet we also write from a place of practical experience in the roles of Christian psychologist and faith-based social service practitioner and pastor, having walked the road of transformative change with hundreds of people.

We’ve included some ways for you to interact with these materials at the end of each chapter in Shiftwork, questions and activities that will be helpful in putting the concepts of this book into action. Hopefully these will nudge you toward the question, “now what?” as you desire to move from deception to honesty, from shame and blame to personal responsibility, from fear to courage, and from pride to humility.

What we also know is that Salzberg’s words about embracing change that we began this introduction with are only part of the equation for those who follow Christ. We do need to create change for ourselves, but lasting, transformative change is always in the context of what Christ is doing in us. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians two thousand years ago, “And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him” (II Corinthians 3, MSG).

And so, with the light of truth, the acceptance of personal responsibility, the courage that comes from faith, and the humility of Christ, we breathe a prayer from the psalmist for ourselves and for you, our fellow-seeker of transformative change.

Send out your light and your truth,

let them lead me,

let them bring me to your holy hill

and to your dwelling.

Psalm 43:3

https://www.createspace.com/4885251

The Best Christmas Gifts

I have friends who swear by on-line shopping, completing the purchases on their entire Christmas list from the comfort of their own home. Not me. I remain a loyal shop-‘til-you-drop, let me see it, touch it consumer – especially if it’s located on the clearance rack. 

I wonder if those who only shop on-line lose out on the “what will they think of next?” experience. I’ve said that often as Christmas merchandise has flooded the stores of Northeast Ohio. Who thinks up these new products? Did you know that you could bless someone with a Chia Zombie this Christmas? Just the ticket for my “Walking Dead” friends.

One intriguing gadget is the wireless selfie stick with in-handle Bluetooth shutter control. Considering I can’t even figure out which way to hold the phone to attempt a selfie, I don’t think I’m up for a wireless selfie stick just yet.

While I didn’t see these in the big box stores yet, a radio spot suggested I purchase matching pajamas for the entire family so we could be appropriately dressed when we tear open our gifts on the morning of December 25. And to make the offer even more enticing, I can get matching pajamas for Freckles and Nala, our granddogs. The sleepwear comes in a variety of styles, including holiday stripe, deer, forest and Santa. On sale, they’d set me back $420 plus shipping. That’s a family tradition we won’t be starting this year, although the pictures would be classic.

It’s also obvious there are beaucoup bucks to be made in branded merchandise, but how much is too much? One website boasted of 784 ‘Frozen’ products. I dearly love Elsa and Anna from the movie Frozen, but I really don’t need a Disney Frozen Olaf Waffle Maker – we use a toaster for frozen waffles! Perfume, makeup, shoes, video games, and a glitter lamp – all available in time for Christmas delight. I looked at a plastic Elsa cup that I thought the lovely Madelyn Simone might enjoy, but its $10 price tag scared me off. Come to find out, it provided a space for a snack and a drink, all in the same container. What a deal.

Writing in “The Independent,” a British newspaper, Binyamen Appelbaum provides background on Disney merchandising. “Disney characters have been endorsing products since 1929, when Walt Disney put Mickey Mouse on a writing tablet. But licensing, which began as a sideline, has become the main event. In most years, Disney makes more money from selling branded movie merchandise than from the actual movies.” Josh Silverstein, Disney’s VP for Global Licensing, explains it this way: “We create products that extend the story-telling – the emotional connection that the consumer has when they’re seeing the film carries on in the three dimensional world.” What a precious sentiment.

He’s right, especially if the consumer is a four-year-old girl or her smitten grandmother. And yes, I did buy Madelyn an Elsa dress, but on hindsight, I wish I’d held out for the dress that lights up and sings. I am pleased, however, that Madelyn owns one of the more than three million Frozen dresses Disney has already sold in North America. That’s enough to outfit every four-year-old girl on the continent.

When Madelyn and I pretend to be the Frozen girls, she claims the role of Elsa and I’m relegated to Anna, who I happen to like better than Elsa anyway. Plus, Anna gets to sing more songs. But I do draw the line at wearing an Anna costume to the playground or the mall. But wait – maybe Frozen could be our theme for Christmas morning. My husband Larry would be adorable as Olaf, and the dogs could be Sven the reindeer.

But back to the shopping. What about the guys on my list? The challenges of product licensing may help me get a bargain on a Browns jersey, especially with a quarterback’s name printed on the back. What about Couch? Holcomb? Quinn? Anderson? McCoy? Weeden? I knew I should have hedged my bets and bought a reversible jersey with Hoyer on one side and Manziel on the other. But it’s OK – there are still twelve shopping days until Christmas,

Cooking with Love

Over the course of more than thirty-five years in ministry, I gathered a solid base of knowledge on the institution of marriage. I’ve read what the experts say about marriage, and I’ve done my fair share of marriage counseling as well. And, I’ve been married for thirty-nine years to the same man – that has to count for something.

One of the psychological marriage gurus is John Gottman, who researched marriages for years. He teaches couples to enhance their love maps, nurture their fondness and admiration, turn toward each other instead of away, accept the influenced of the partner, solve their solvable problems, overcome gridlock, and create shared meaning. Gotta get that love map going! He believes that a harsh start-up and continued negativity such as criticism and contempt can sound the death knell for marriages. Others suggest that problems with communication, sex, and money are common causes of marriage failure as well.

But the experts are missing the boat. One issue looms large in the health of a marriage. How many marital difficulties could be resolved by successfully answering one question each day: “What’s for supper?”

Unlike my mother, who didn’t work outside the home after her children were born, almost all of my peers arrive home at about the same time as their husbands. Even on the days I work from home, dinner planning is not the first check-off on my to-do list. I’ve tried writing out menus for the week but haven’t been disciplined enough to follow through. I’ve suggested we take turns in meal preparation, but the decision-making as to the menu remains on my plate. If our young adult sons are home for supper, I want to cook something they like, so have been known to change the choice of food for them. Yes, even though they’re fine with fixing something else, I spoil them as much as I do the lovely Madelyn Simone.

Don’t worry about starvation hitting our home. We do manage to eat every night, a bit more of a challenge now that my fallback, the A&W, is closed for the season. But there’s a more serious complaint in my house. My entire family agrees: I don’t cook with love like Grandma does. I’d rather finish a writing project than start a meal. I get distracted from what I’m doing, and before I know it, the meat for the stew is setting off the smoke detector. Even the chocolate chip cookies aren’t safe, as I never could convince my kids they were supposed to crunch.

Their idea of cooking with love isn’t what Harriet van Horne suggests: “Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all.” No, my family’s definition of cooking with love has more to do with Barbara Costikyan’s words: “In the childhood memories of every good cook, there’s a large kitchen, a warm stove, a simmering pot and a mom.” Cooking with love in my house means that I stay in the kitchen and give food preparation the time it needs and deserves. To plead my case, I remind them that Betty Crocker is a figment of our imagination, and Rachael Ray earns enough money to have household help. Even Florence Brady of the Brady Bunch had Alice by her side, but I don’t get much sympathy in that department.

I laugh with my family about my lack of preparation and concentration, but I still value the shared meal, whether with family or as we welcome friends to our table. Laurie Colwin puts it into perspective for me: “The table is a meeting place, a gathering ground, the source of sustenance and nourishment, festivity, safety, and satisfaction. A person cooking is a person giving. Even the simplest food is a gift.”

The question of what we’re eating for supper will continue to be asked in our house, and it’s unlikely I’ll reach the gold standard of “cooking with love” like grandma anytime soon. But my hope is that those who share a meal in our home might experience the table fellowship of reunion and communion that will atone for any deficiencies emanating from my kitchen. Bon appétit!

  

I Love a Parade

In 1931, Harold Arlen and Ted Koehler collaborated on a song that proclaims, “I love a parade . . . when I hear a band. I just want to stand and cheer as they come.” I have no idea how I know this song, as I wasn’t around in 1931, nor did I watch it on the Lawrence Welk New Year’s show in 1979. Ashlanders may not know its lyrics, but as hundreds lined up on Main Street last Saturday night, it was obvious we share its sentiment: We love a parade!

The Evening Lions, parade organizers extraordinaire, asked me to be a judge this year, and I was thrilled to say yes. My personal favorites were the little Daisies and Brownies singing “Let It Go,” complete with motions, carolers crooning in four-part harmony, and the American Legion’s “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” float. Sure did tug at our heartstrings.

As a relatively recent immigrant to Ashland, I don’t have the decades of Ashland parade-watching experience under my belt as fellow judge Dianne Hammontree does, but I can claim my share of memorable parade moments, including our first Ashland Christmas parade. Larry and I arrived in Ashland in June, 2006 with the challenge to get the Salvation Army’s Ray and Joan Kroc Corps Community Center off the ground. As one of eight sites in the Northeast United States, we hit the ground running, working with an amazing local steering committee to secure a site, develop drawings, raise needed funds, and jump through whatever hoops the Salvation Army and Mrs. Kroc (from her grave) deemed necessary.

By November, we’d done our fair share of hoop-jumping and eagerly awaited the go-ahead to proceed. In the meantime, we’d gathered a dozen children to march in the morning parade. Garbed in Salvation Army hats and volunteer aprons, the little darlings were equipped with kettle bells, more than ready to ring their way down Main Street. En route to the staging area, my cell phone rang with devastating news: our Kroc Center had been denied approval to move ahead. The powers-that-be at corporate headquarters had concerns about its viability, and weren’t willing to give the green light - yet.

Those few blocks of parade, with the children and their clanging bells, the uncertainty swirling through my head and tears swelling in my eyes, are etched in my memory forever. Long story shortened, we got the issues sorted out, and the Ashland Kroc Center opened its doors in April 2009 – the first one completed in the Northeast.

Other Christmas parade memories include a frigid appearance with our regional leaders, Bill and Lorraine, spilled soup in the Salvation Army canteen, and perfecting the Miss America wave from the back of a convertible. My hands-down favorite is the year our son Dan wore the RJ Kroc(odile) mascot costume on the flatbed with the Kroc Center’s New Adventure Band. Dan’s percussionist training kicked in when the band pulled out Sleigh Ride, and in the absence of a whip, he performed an RJ stomp at the appropriate section of the music. You had to be there.

I hope you got a glimpse of downtown as you watched the parade. With its newly-planted trees (thanks, Ferguson family) and the sparkling lights, it looks great. Additional shops are joining the long-time faithful, and rumor has it there are more to come. Worn out from hustle and bustle of Black Friday? Check out our downtown for yourself. Today is Small Business Saturday, and the Holiday Shop Hop provides an opportunity to visit twenty-five local shops and businesses. Get your punch card filled and shop small, shop local. Maybe you’ll even win a prize!

Ashland Main Street is also sponsoring its annual Miracle on Main (and South), with vendors filling the South Street Warehouse (formerly Gilberts’ warehouse) from noon-4. A number of local Ashland authors will join me at a table there, so stop by to get a book signed or to chat with me about your favorite Christmas parade memories.

Now that Thanksgiving 2014 is history, I can say it: It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywhere you go – especially in downtown Ashland, Ohio. Come on down and #SHOPSMALL 2014!