An Elder in Our Midst

I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for McDonalds for many years, dating back to a set of early Golden Arches near my childhood home. I’m extremely grateful for all the Big Mac purchases over the years that lined the pockets of Ray Kroc, so that his widow could leave a legacy gift to the Salvation Army for the Kroc Center here in Ashland. But our friendship is on rocky ground, for when I drove through McDonalds the other day to order soup and a soft drink, the drive-through voice said, “You’re a senior citizen, right?” Ouch!

Gray hair, check. Grandmother status, check. But I am still not a card-carrying Golden Buckeye. While the years are creeping up on me, I’m still in my fifties, and in my book, that’s not elderly. However, the woman at the window (who looked at least as old as I do) explained that her restaurant offers a senior discount to those fifty-five and up, so I saved a dime on my Senior Coke. Woohoo!

That same night, I gathered with friends and family of Josianne Stone to honor her as the June Metcalf Elder in Residence at the Salvation Army Kroc Center. This particular program was birthed from the desire to recognize the elders of Ashland, those willing to share their wisdom and giftedness with our community, especially to the generations younger than theirs.

When we first explored the development of this program, I did not know there is a group that calls themselves The Elders. They are independent global leaders, brought together by Nelson Mandela, who offer their collective influence and experience to support peace building, help address major causes of human suffering and promote the shared interests of humanity. While our honored elder is not a global leader like Jimmy Carter or Desmond Tutu, her life story speaks of the same themes as these prominent world elders, for as a young woman, she was part of the resistance to the Nazis in Belgium during World War II.

Like many survivors of the horrors of war, Josianne seldom talked about her experiences over the years, saying, “When the war was over, it was over.” Yet when her grandson Lucas was in middle school, she was asked to talk with his class about the war, the occupation, and the Holocaust, and the years slipped away as she recounted the deprivation and fear of the people of Belgium. Her words were so powerful that her family and friends encouraged her to record her thoughts for future generations, available on a YouTube video called the Josianne Stone Story.

In preparation for the Elder in Residence reception for Josianne, coordinator Judy McLaughlin spent time in conversation at Josianne’s home. As they chatted, Judy mentioned that her own father had lost his life during World War II, and Josianne expressed her personal thanks for the sacrifices that Americans made to defeat the Nazi forces and to secure freedom for the people of Belgium. For Judy, those words provided a watershed moment. As she said to Josianne on Tuesday evening, “Your expressed gratitude moved me from a lifelong sadness to an understanding of what my loss meant to you.”

Life didn’t stop at the war for Josianne, for she studied fashion design in Paris and is an accomplished seamstress, a profession that supported her when she first immigrated to the United States. She is also a gifted artist, and though she didn’t take her first art class until 1984, she took the advice of her instructor to “be prolific,” describing her art as “humbly reproducing God’s creation.”

After being privileged to hear Josianne Stone’s story and to witness the full life she continues to lead, I came to an aha! moment of my own: if this is what it means to be a senior citizen, an elder of our community, sign me up – even without the McDonalds’ discount! Thomas Carlyle understands: “Old age is not a matter for sorrow. It is a matter for thanks if we have left our work done behind us.” [Stone’s works are on display at the Kroc Center through the end of November, with notecards available at Enjoy! in downtown Ashland].

Cupcakes and More

We moved to Ashland more than seven years ago, so I’m no longer a just-off-the-boat immigrant. In fact, I’m pretty sure I qualify for an Ashland green card by now, as Larry and I have purchased a home in town, read the Times-Gazette every day, and get our Coney dogs at the A & W. That should count for something, right?

Yet it’s been hard to break myself of the habit of shopping outside of Ashland. Bargain addict that I am, I’m reluctant to give up my occasional visits to Marcs, the discount wonder of Ohio, and it is relatively easy to jump in the car and head for the big box stores of Mansfield, Wooster and Medina or points beyond on I-71. But I’m claiming a new shopping motto these days: Try Ashland First.

Here’s why. As it is for all of us, the fluctuating cost of gasoline can be a budget breaker, and I do want to be environmentally responsible in my use of fossil fuels. I also don’t like the idea of paying sales tax in another county to support services to their residents and not to my neighborhood. Those quarters and dimes add up.

But my main reason for the Try Ashland First mindset is that I want to live in a community that is vibrant, with people on our downtown streets and plenty of opportunities for entrepreneurs young and old. For that to be a reality, Ashland people have to be intentional about supporting Ashland business – our local products and services.

A recent foray into Main Street Ashland left me more convinced of my mission than ever. OK, I need to be honest here – I went downtown to get a cupcake at Enjoy! Gourmet Gifts. These scrumptious babies from The Faithful Little Cupcake (located in a neighboring community that I’m not naming) are addictive, and I rationalize the purchase by noting Anne Lamott’s directions about taking care of self: “Self-love is 80% of the solution, that it helps beyond words to take yourself through the day as you would your most beloved [unconventional, peculiar, eccentric] relative, with great humor and lots of small treats.” Surely by Friday I deserve a cupcake – Anne told me it’s OK to treat myself.

Have you been in downtown Ashland lately? Not only did I discover some new shops but I had the most amazing conversations with business owners and shoppers. Did you know that CLA Streetwear is owned and operated by a former U.S. Army drill sergeant – a female drill sergeant? Lydia has participated in the Army’s Boots to Business training, and decided to open a shop in downtown Ashland. I also discovered that the clothing in Clothes Minded Boutique is both unique and stunning – no need to run to the mall to get a new ensemble for my next date night. And there’s always a conversation partner just waiting to solve the world’s problems in Downtown Perks and Desserts.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t give a shout-out to long-time downtown merchants such as Irwins, Home Hardware, the Candy and Nut Shoppe, Kid’s Kountry, the Peking Restaurant and more, who have stuck around through thick and thin – we’re glad to have them around. They are joined by some great shops tucked away in the small towns of the county, such as Fickes Furniture in Jeromesville and the Parsley Pot up on Middle Rowsburg Road, and I can’t forget the new addition to downtown Loudonville, Belly Busters (the Second).

The lovely Madelyn Simone is helping me draw up my Christmas list, and I’m giving myself the challenge to Try Ashland First. It’s one more excuse to devour a White Wedding, Carrot Cake or Caramel Apple Crisp cupcake, but more than that, every sale made in Ashland County helps to keep my neighbors in business and the doors of our local shops open. That’s important to this green card-carrying Ashland resident.

Need a bit of incentive? Today’s ChickFest in downtown Ashland is supporting the Ashland County Cancer Association with special Sweetest Day promotions. Check out what’s happening on our own Main Street Ashland. I’ll say hello if I see you - in between bites of a cupcake!

Someone Has A Dream

The concept of having a dream for the future of our church, whether in the local congregation or on the broader denominational scale, is one that has been claimed for centuries of church history. Most biblical references to dreams are rooted in the actual dream world, a time when the barriers and boundaries of wakened thought are released, and our subconscious thoughts can be accessed, but often contemporary leaders use the “I have a dream” sentence stem to articulate their vision for the future of the church and the world around it.

 

The most famous “I Have a Dream” statement comes from Martin Luther King Jr. who addressed a crowd of 250,000 at the March on Washington for Freedom and Jobs in 1963. History reports that King almost did not speak those words out loud on that day, having been urged by staff members not to use that speech, labeling it “hackneyed and trite.” But as he spoke, gospel singer Mahalia Jackson called out to King, "Tell 'em about the dream, Martin." King proceeded to outline his dream for a country where every valley would be exalted, and every hill and mountain would be made whole, a land where his children would one day be judged not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character. King had a vision of a world radically different from the world he’d experienced, and now, fifty years later, much of that dream has been realized, although we still have miles to go before we sleep.

 

It is in that context that I read the words of Salvation Army international leader, General Andre Cox, as he has articulated his dream, his vision, for the future of the Salvation Army. A posting of this dream on his Facebook page has brought an enthusiastic response from hundreds of people around the world. Here are his words:

 

I dream of a committed, effective and joyful Army, rooted and confident in the word of God and on its knees.

I dream of an Army that truly reflects the mind of Jesus in our commitment to the poor and the marginalised.

I dream of an Army that practices what it preaches from the top leadership down, an Army that is a visible and living example of Kingdom values.

I dream of an Army that values its youth where our young people feel that they have a voice.

I dream of an Army with strong relevant and streamlined administrative structures and a much more effective use of our financial and material resources.

I dream of an Army where all cultures are equally accepted and celebrated through the spiritual ties that bind us all together.

I dream of an Army that shuns the dependency culture.

Reading them this morning, I felt compelled to make some comments on Cox’s words. First, warning is given throughout the scriptures as to the ability of persuasive people to “sell their dreams to those around them,” as was noted in Jeremiah. Therefore, when I hear the phrase, “I have a dream,” I see a yellow flag of caution that reminds me to check my dream or that of another against what I know to be true of God, people, and the world as informed through the teachings of the Bible and the experience of life as a follower of Jesus. Before we jump on this bandwagon or drink any kool-aid, we need to test this dream against what we understand to be the Wesleyan Quadrilateral, that of Scripture (first), tradition, reason and experience. A cursory reading doesn’t reveal any major problems, but I’d like to know more of what Cox means by the term “dependency culture” and how kingdom values are defined.

A second comment is that I would love to see the fourth statement expanded to reflect an Army where people of all ages – and ranks – know that they have a voice. While I recognize the desire to embrace youth (and the importance of that for the Army’s future), there are other marginalized groups within Salvation Army culture who need to know, and not just feel, that they have a voice within the organization. As an example from the setting of King’s famous speech, initial plans for that rally had not included the voice of a woman, even though women were heavily involved in the civil rights movement. Anna Arnold Hedgeman, the only woman on the planning committee, fought for the inclusion of women on that program, and so we now have these experiential words of Josephine Baker: “You know I have always taken the rocky path. I never took the easy one, but as I get older, and as I knew I had the power and the strength, I took that rocky path, and I tried to smooth it out a little."

Articulating a vision is crucial. Selling it to its stakeholders in the world in which we live is a challenge. Yet moving from the dream world to reality is critical. For King, his commitment to his dream ended in his assassination, but was carried forth by those who believed in the power of the dream. For Jorge Mario Bergoglio, his vision is causing much disruption in the Catholic Church, as noted in this week’s Washington Post: “[Pope] Francis is “a remarkable man, no one would deny that,” Royal said. “But I’m not sure if he cares about being accurate. He gets into an [evangelizing] dynamic with people and that seems to be the most important thing. . . . In some ways it makes people very anxious. If you do this, what’s the next thing?””

It remains to be seen how Cox will move from vision to reality, but I have to hope that whatever that movement looks like, he’ll make some people anxious, because that is how change occurs. Sitting at my computer in Ashland, Ohio, I can only hope and pray that he will target these dreams in broad strokes that won’t get buried in committees, but that will change the face of the Salvation Army for the ages, to the glory of God.

Golden Couples

When the topic of marriage hits the headlines, it is likely to surround the redefinition of marriage, the high divorce rate, the cultural trend to cohabitate rather than to wed, or the latest Hollywood couple to tie the knot. But the headlines here in Ashland County this coming week should read, “In Celebration of Marriage,” for that’s what happening in our community. Under the banner of United Way of Ashland County and the Ashland County Community Foundation, couples married fifty years or more are being honored for that accomplishment as the Ashland gold carpet is rolled out on October 16^th. Can you believe it - they have reservations for one hundred and eighty-eight couples. That is absolutely amazing!

Fifty years is a long, long time to be married. Waking up to each other more than eighteen thousand times, bed head and all. The “five hundred- twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes” from Rent’s “Season of Love” gets multiplied by fifty – that adds up to half a century.

How have they done it? Inquiring minds want to know. Was Ogden Nash right when he suggested, “To keep brimming the marital cup, when wrong admit it, when right shut up?” Here’s hoping a curious reporter will ask that question, but since the couples haven’t gathered together yet, I have to turn to research in the field of marriage relationships to ask the experts. Dr. John Gottman is one of those experts, and he’s done much of his work side by side with his wife, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, which suggests a commitment to the subject of marriage deeper than scientific curiosity. He has researched thousands of marriages for over forty years, and explains his work like this: “I've tried to create a psychology of marriage from the way real, everyday people go about the business of being married, instead of taking it from psychotherapy.”

He claims that after listening to a couple for as little as three hours in guided interactions in his Love Lab (yes, that’s really what he calls it), he can predict which couples will stay together happily – with a 91% accuracy rate. He suggests that successful couples have seven key factors in place in their marriages. They know each other’s goals, worries, and hopes (what he calls their love map). They nurture fondness and admiration, and they turn toward each other rather than toward others. Successful couples allow their partner to influence them, and they solve their solvable problems, using good manners (what a novel idea). They overcome gridlock by honoring each other’s dreams, and they have “an intentional sense of shared purpose, meaning, family values, and cultural legacy that forms a shared inner life.”

Gottman’s last point especially interests me. What are the customs, rituals, and myths (stories) that have sustained these golden couples in our community? I’d love to listen in around the table at the luncheon, or to sit in living rooms across our county and say, “tell me a story of your marriage.”

I’m guessing that if I had a chance to have those conversations, sooner or later I might hear something like how Ray Barone describes it in “Everybody Loves Raymond”: “No! I got this! Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up- she's there. You come back from work- she's there. You fall asleep- she's there. You eat dinner- she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing. But, it's not.”

While Raymond may not have the clinical expertise or research experience that John Gottman does, he gets it. The Book of Common Prayer first recorded the words in 1549: "To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part." Vows, spoken to each other more than half a century ago, have sustained many a couple through deep waters and dark days. As those words are lived out through faithful presence, marriages can thrive for twenty-six million minutes and longer. Congratulations, Golden Couples of Ashland County!

 

I'm Happy

I’ve been doing some consulting work for the Massillon Museum, a gem of a cultural center less than an hour from Ashland (with free admission!) I’ve taken in the Warhol exhibit (SNAP – In the Photobooth with Andy Warhol and Friends), volunteered at the annual Island Party, and mingled with the pep rally fans as they enjoyed Tiger-striped ice cream scooped out by the museum staff. But I missed a recent Art is Alive day, an outdoor juried art show with music, food, and fun. When I asked how it went, one of the staff told me “I know it sounds sappy, but it was a happy day, a happy time.” Helped along by great weather, those in attendance enjoyed being with each other as they celebrating the work of the artists, and everybody seemed to be happy.

Her words stuck with me, and I’ve been on the lookout for “happy” ever since. Leaving a recent Arrows football game, I said, “This was so much fun. I’m happy.” (Of course, a win did lift the happiness meter). Spending time at a housewarming for a young friend who has been house-hunting for way too long, I felt it too – what a happy time. And yes, breathing in the ten game, errorless winning streak of the Cleveland Indians at the end of September brought a happy feeling to me and to thousands of other Cleveland fans. While the playoff loss stings, , there sure were some happy moments on the way to October baseball.

Sometimes, “happy” gets a bad rap. We are called to be serious about the struggles of the world, we are challenged to reach for abiding joy instead of a wishy-washy happiness, we are to search for the deep meaning in life, and I get that. But isn’t there room for some good old-fashioned happiness in our day, in our lives?

How do we find it? Aye, there’s the rub. In our culture of how-to helps, there are thousands of books, podcasts and websites that feature an expert showing us the miracle way to be happy. One is Gretchen Rubin, author of the popular book “The Happiness Project.” At $26.00 in hardcover, I bet she’s happy that her book and its offshoots are on the New York Times best-seller list. Cha-ching! Can’t afford the book? For just $4.99 (each topic), she will send a daily e-mail to you and me for twenty-one days that will help us de-clutter our lives, cope with a difficult person, or quit yelling at our kids (too late for me - I could have used that twenty years ago). No money? Don’t worry - she does have a website with some free tips, such as “four ways to make your food taste better without lifting a finger,” certainly a vital key to happiness.  Just imagine broccoli stalks as dinosaur trees – yum, my mouth is watering already.

We’re also told that we have to work on happiness. Elizabeth Gilbert, writing in “Eat, Pray, Love,” pushes us with these words: “Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it . . . You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” Really? Sounds too much like work to me, or maybe she’s watched Finding Nemo one too many times. Keep on swimming, swimming, swimming.”

Does it have to be so hard? Can’t we sit in the sun, breathe in the fresh air, skip stones in the water, or cradle the newborn baby, and recognize that it’s a happy day, a happy time? Sometimes, it’s like Dr. Seuss says: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

It wasn’t a special day. We didn’t go to the amusement park or the mall. In fact, although chocolate ice cream was probably involved, I don’t even remember what we were doing, other than spending time together, when our granddaughter, the lovely Madelyn Simone, looked at me and said, “I’m just so happy, Nana.”  Me too, Madelyn, me too.