The Old Gray Mare

Soon after we moved into the new Salvation Army building on East Liberty Street (the Kroc Center), a few of the church members began to talk about the good old days in the East Third Street building. That building had opened in 1937 with lots of fanfare and high expectations, and my friends had been a part of that story over the years. They were nostalgic for the people who had worshipped in that site, the weddings held in its chapel, and the presence of the spirit of God within its walls. It just wasn’t the same in the new building, and in the haze of reminiscing, those precious memories overshadowed the nasty bathrooms, drafty windows, and generally decrepit building that had kept the Salvation Army in Ashland from reaching its full potential.

 I understood their bittersweet feelings, because though I had only spent three years on East Third Street, I too had some good times there.  I wanted to be patient with the adjustment to the new, but at times I did want to shout out – get a life - the old gray mare just ain’t what she used to be. Fortunately, my compassion outweighed my impatience, and we worked through the transition together, and wept a few tears when the old girl finally met the wrecking ball.

 The old gray mare song keeps flooding my mind these days, especially when I think about the Ashland Middle School. Like the old Salvation Army building, that old gray mare sure ain’t what she used to be either.  She’s a great school educationally, with a terrific report card, caring, competent teachers, and a tenacious spirit, but those walls are just tired out – while they’re not yet like the walls of Jericho that came tumbling down with the blast of the trumpet, a few too many of the middle school walls are crumbling down around our kids.

Ah, middle school  As I think about my school years, it’s the middle school times that I remember most – although back in the dark ages, we still called it junior high. That’s when I learned to play bassoon, to memorize the countries on the African continent, and to use a sewing machine. Those were days of study hall spitballs and notes surreptitiously passed back and forth across the aisle. It was a time for BFF kinds of friendships and for those first hesitant talks with a boy – oh my, does that bring back memories. Formative years for sure.

Mary Pipher, a clinical psychologist, wrote Reviving Ophelia, a book published in 1994 that has become a classic in adolescent development in those formative years. While she primarily describes the challenges faced by teen girls, her closing words fit both genders when she says, “Adolescence is a border between childhood and adulthood. Like life on all borders, it’s teeming with energy and fraught with danger.”  “Teeming with energy” is a great descriptor of life in our middle school, as our kids bring good energy to learning, to skill development, and to relationship-building.

But as the responsible adults in our community, we want to do our best to provide an environment for our kids that will minimize the dangers they face, tossing aside the self-imposed or culturally-inflicted blackout curtains of adolescence and letting plenty of light into their lives, both literally and figuratively.  That starts with the middle school building where they spend half of their waking hours each weekday.

Here’s the challenge. While Ashlanders may cling to their middle school memories with nostalgia, I don’t think I’ve met anyone who believes that the current middle school is the best setting for our kids. In fact, one friend said, “I went to the middle school in 1960 and it was in bad shape then.” We may not agree on Romney or Obama, but we do agree on this – Ashland needs a new middle school.  We can mope around town, singing a dirge for the old gray mare who obviously ain’t what she used to be, or we can write a new song by getting our kids what they need.  The choice is ours, Ashland.  What song will you sing?

On the 25th . . .

I've been spending the last few weeks getting some devotional materials ready for publication for Advent. So from time to time between now and Christmas, I'll randomly post one of the readings to match the day of the month - and yes, I know it isn't December yet, but the word of God speaks powerfully to us regardless of the season.  So here's the reading for the 25th, taken from Notes of Advent for Christ-Seekers, a collection of devotionals based on the carols of Christmas. (Previously named Advent Notes for Christ-Seekers). Available from me, through Amazon, or at my Createspace link:   www.createspace.com/4036115

DECEMBER 25

            Adestes fideles. O come, all ye faithful. As a child, I often wondered why we didn’t go to church on Christmas day. Here was the most identified “holiday” (holy day) on the calendar, and the highlight of the day was the ten minutes we spent tearing with gusto into a heap of presents. Well, there was the family dinner, and the time around the piano singing carols, but it seemed strange that we didn’t gather with other believers, that we faithful didn’t come together to worship Christ the Lord.

            I suppose that I’ve rationalized away my questioning on this subject at this point in my life by making sure that we at least share in a Christmas Eve service each year. But after writing these twenty-five reflections, I’ve recognized that the faithful “come” in so many ways. We do assemble in worship services, but we also gather around dinner tables, hospital beds, and coffee cups.  We come corporately, and we come alone, at an announced time or at the Spirit’s urge, to worship at both the cradle and throne. We worship now, just as we see now, “through a glass darkly,” a foretaste of our coming worship (Rev. 5:12). 

Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,

To receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!

 O come, let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!

 O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant

O come ye, o come ye to Bethlehem;
Come and behold him, born the king of angels;

O come let us adore him,

                   Christ the Lord.

 Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning,

Jesus, to thee be glory given,
Word of the Father, now in flesh appearing,

Attr. John Francis Wade

From Bubble Guppies to The Help: Messages We Approve

The lovely Madelyn Simone came to visit this week – what fun! We made waffles, read books, played outside and splashed in the bathtub. It’s great to be a grandmother! We managed to keep the television viewing to a minimum, but we did have to watch Bubble Guppies, enjoying the episode where they get a Bubble Guppy Puppy – try saying that 5 times in a row. We’ve come a long way since our days of cuddling on the couch and watching Say Yes to the Dress all morning!   

During this visit, I was especially aware of the messages she’s being bombarded with at the ripe old age of 2 ½.  Yes, I did spare her the 1 billion dollars worth of messages approved by the presidential candidates, but even Bubble Guppies is bookended with child-focused advertising – cereal, Barbie dolls, and yes, a Bubble Guppies fan club! I will admit, I do like the Bubble Guppies, as Molly and friends bring a rhythm and curiosity to pre-school learning that’s contagious. If you hear me asking “what time is it?”, be sure to answer “It’s time for lunch.” But I have maintained my self control and resisted the urge to join the fan club – at least for now.

So what other messages is Madelyn hearing? Should I worry about them? After all, she’s too young to understand, isn’t she? Should I be concerned about the talking cash register that asks, “will that be cash or credit, Princess?”  What is she soaking in?

When we travel back and forth to Canton, even before she’s buckled into her car seat, Madelyn asks, “Songs?” She’s ready for the Wee Sing CDs, now a staple of our time in the car. The nursery rhymes and songs are classics, many that I learned as a child, sang to my sons, and now sing along with Madelyn.  Even in these silly songs she learns about consequences. If you’re one of the little monkeys, you may fall off and bump your head – and in at least one version, “that’s what you get for jumping on the bed!” Another speaks to the danger of sticking your head in a little skunk hole – not good.

Then there are the messages that work their way through the movies that are billed as children’s fare. Some say, ‘this is what boys look like, this is what girls look like,’ while others have really sad or scary scenes. Madelyn is enraptured with Finding Nemo and Despicable Me, but both films raise issues of loss and abandonment, as do many of the timeless fairy tales. Is she ready for that?  

So what’s a parent, a grandparent to do?  We can use discretion in what we allow the kids to watch on TV and in the movies, and as the children get older, we can talk about the messages they hear and see throughout their day. But we can’t raise our kids in a bubble, keeping them totally protected from the world around them.

If you’ve read the book or seen the film The Help, “you is kind, you is smart, you is important” echoes long after “the end.” Aibileen Clark works as a maid for a woman who doesn’t have much time for or interest in her young daughter, Mae Mobley. So as often as Aibileen can, she reminds the little girl that she is kind, smart and important, reinforcing a sense of worth that she is not receiving from her emotionally distant mother. Now, Lauren and I are deliberately using those words with Madelyn and adding a few of our own, pouring into her our vision for the girl she is growing into and the woman she will become.

 

We can wring our hands in frustration over the power of the messages that inundate our kids’ lives, but we can also take matters into our own hands to make sure that our children, grandchildren and the kids in our community hear the alternate messages that we choose for them. Say them with me. You will not be abandoned. We care about you. You are kind. You are smart. And yes, you are important. 

Better Off?

So, are you better off today than you were four years ago? That’s the question that’s being bandied around the airwaves as we count down the days to the presidential election. 

In 1965, my parents lived in a comfortable home that they (and the bank) owned.  They had one car, three kids, and my dad worked one job as a carpenter while my mother stayed home to care for the house and the family. We walked to the neighborhood school, and came home for lunch every day.  We had a swimming pool in the backyard because my dad’s job didn’t allow time for vacations in the summer. One black and white television, 3 channels. One phone. The Buffalo Bills were AFL champions. The Browns went 11-3.

Fast forward 25 years. In 1990 Larry and I lived in a comfortable home.  We drove two cars, had three kids, and both worked long hours while wishing we had Alice from the Brady Bunch to clean our house and take care of the family. Three color televisions, cable. Two phones, one that was cordless.  The Browns were 3-13. Were we better off?

It’s now 2012. Our adult son and daughter-in-law live in a small home that they and the bank own, and yes, it’s probably worth less than what they paid for it six years ago. They both work full-time, Greg goes to school full time, and the lovely Madelyn Simone has gone to day care since she was 8 weeks old, except for the glorious day each week we spend together. They have Direct TV, with a gazillion stations so we can watch Bubble Guppies, wireless internet, and i-phones.  For the record – Madelyn does not have a cell phone, although she knows what to do with mine. The Browns are 0-5.  Are we better off? How do we define “better off”?

If we’re truly a nation of spoiled, self-centered materialists, then I suppose the question is an appropriate one to ask. Oh, that sounds judgmental, doesn’t it? But at some point, it can’t be all about the stuff we have. When do we ask, “Do my neighbors have what they need?” rather than “Do we have everything we want?”

Life is more than fame or fortune. Do I wish I had more money in my pocket today? Sure, who doesn’t? But would I trade an extra handful of cash or a fancier cell phone for the time spent with my precious granddaughter? Absolutely not.

Here are the more vital questions. Should there be a safety net of protection for the most vulnerable in our country, or isn’t that our problem? Should social security be protected because I want to get what’s coming to me, or should we work together to find solutions that will insure that those without adequate resources in retirement are taken care of (the original goal of social security)? Should I vote “no” on the school levy so that I have more money of my own while our community’s kids rattle around in that dreary, decrepit middle school? The answers we give to these kinds of questions define what living in community, and yes, what living in America mean to us. My parents knew what it used to mean. Say it with me: “It’s not all about me!” Does it still mean that today?

 Back to the question: are we better off? The answer for me is not about whether my family is better off economically than we were four years ago. The answer has less to do with who the president is and more to do with the fact that we have an openly elected president (even with all the political commercials) and not a dictator. We have freedom of speech – we can blog to our heart’s delight and protest without fear of incarceration. We’re working toward having affordable health care for everyone.  All of our children can go to school – girls and boys. It’s not like that everywhere.   

Those are the reasons we’re better off as Americans. I may not be able to afford a new car this year, but maybe the Browns will beat the Bengals – then we’ll be better off for sure!

We Approve This Message

“If you can’t say something nice about somebody, don’t say anything.”  This oft-heard expression is one of those lessons learned in childhood that we repeat to our children and grandchildren.  While I haven’t said it yet to the lovely Madelyn Simone (probably because she’s still not fully verbal), I’m sure that will be needed soon enough.

Mr. Romney and Mr. Obama, I’m guessing you’ve heard that phrase because your moms got it in a genetic marker labeled ‘Mother,’ along with “Don’t run with that, you’ll poke your eye out” and “Your face is going to freeze that way.” I also know that the campaign experts keep telling you that attack ads work.  But here’s some free advice – they’re getting on my nerves.  Of course you have to say something about your opponent – but there’s got to be a better way.

The “don’t say anything” rule of childhood does need adjusting as we approach adulthood, because we do need to talk about the qualifications a person brings to his/her quest for leadership.  We shouldn’t vote for someone just because of her family name or his great hair, but when’s the last time we elected a bald president?  I guess hair does matter, but character matters more.  

So how do we talk about a person’s character, whether that of a presidential candidate or a community leader?  Can we do so by “speaking the truth in love,” as the biblical letter to the Ephesians suggests?  That’s a valuable rule of thumb in personal relationships – is it possible to extend its counsel to the political arena?  What would that look like?

Yet the issues facing our country and our communities go beyond the character of the man or woman providing leadership, for as much as character counts, so do policies.  We were treated to public verbiage regarding a number of policy issues through the televised debate this week, but if Facebook posts, Twitter tweets and lunchroom conversations are any indication, we weren’t too satisfied with the process or the results.  There have got to be other ways to sort out the issues that concern us.   

That’s why I’m so pleased with a movement afoot to bring a measure of civil discourse to Ashland through the use of a forum model, using what is known as democratic deliberation (as in democracy, not the Democratic party).  It stems from the premise that governments and citizens ought to work together – what a great idea!   A forum in this context is the process where people take time to hear other people’s opinion and stories so that a common ground can be reached on issues that impact all of us.

The Center for Civic Life at Ashland University partnered with the Ashland University Center for Non-Violence to sponsor one such discussion the night after the first debate, bringing a variety of views on the national debt to the table of respectful conversation.  There was plenty of lip service to the national debt during the debate, but it was in the setting of the forum that the problem and potential solutions began to make sense. 

 It’s the premise that matters in civil discourse.  In a debate or argument, the most powerful, polished and persuasive voice wins – just listen to the political pundits after the debate if you don’t believe me.   But in the forum model, the goal is to move towards consensus, not victory. The Center for Civic Life (or their umbrella organization, the National Issues Forums) does not advocate for one specific solution or point of view.  Instead, the process helps all of us weigh the pros and cons of the choices while meeting together with people who have an interest in economics, children and families, education, civil rights, the environment, health, or government.

The next subject to be wrestled with by the Center for Civic Life is prescription drug abuse, scheduled for October 23^rd at the Dauch building at AU.  If you’re tired of talking back to the political commercials barging into your living room, stop by and join the voices of our community as we name, frame and deliberate together.  We’re Ashland, and together we approve this message.