It's Colder!

When I was twelve years old, the Beatles released a song that’s been on my mind the past few weeks. “Will you still need me, will you still feed me when I’m sixty-four?” Unfortunately, it’s too late for me to be asking those questions, because as of this week, I’ve crossed the great abyss between sixty-four and sixty-five. 

I’ve had a Golden Buckeye card for a few years, and my silver hair automatically earns me the senior discount at the fast-food drive-through and the buffet. So other than qualifying for Medicare, the threshold birthday of sixty-five doesn’t make much difference, does it? My hands may look like my mother’s did as she aged, but I haven’t succumbed to watching The Golden Girls or Lawrence Welk. I can still change diapers while sitting on the floor (although the charming Henry Kyle challenges me with his contortionist abilities). And I can even get up from the floor while holding a squirming baby – without help! That must count for something.

However, I am somewhat freaking out about this birthday. Here’s part of it – at sixty-five, I definitively no longer fit into the category of midlife. Much of my doctoral work was done around that topic, and to slam the door on that long, life-changing chapter feels so final. As one image for this period of life suggests, I am now a crone, and I don’t like that very much. Ugly, old, disagreeable, sinister: Yet Ann Kreilkamps redefines the word “In ancient days,” she writes, “Crone meant Crown. Crone is the messenger, translator of life’s passages, midwife to Death, Birth and Rebirth. Crone is the stage at which what was formerly passionately and often painfully or violently expressed is now recollected in tranquility.” Sorry, Ms. Kreilkamps, but when I think of crone, Cruella de Vil still comes to mind.

Turning to developmental psychology doesn’t offer much hope either. Erik Erikson created a model of eight stages of psycho-social developmental. Each stage is given a name, and has a suggested age range. In each stage, Erikson noted a conflict that became a turning point in personal development. Either the individual successfully navigates that stage by developing the particular psychological quality, or they don’t. Milestones are the development of trust, autonomy, initiative, industry, identity, intimacy, and generativity. For the final stage of old age (65+), Erikson calls for integrity rather than despair, suggesting the final psychosocial stage focuses on reflecting back on life, asking the existential question, “Is it OK to have been me?” 

Hold on a minute, Dr. Erikson. Life isn’t over at sixty-five. Somehow, I’m not content with stepping into that stage of reflection yet. While I doubt I’ll be zip-lining any time soon, I may hit the trampolines at the lovely Madelyn Simone’s tenth birthday party this month. I’m not ready to have 911 on speed dial, to be put out to pasture, or to admit I’m over the hill. 

Ashland’s own Dr. Lucille Garber Ford has been a perfect role model for me. After her retirement from her position as provost at Ashland University, she went back to graduate school, earning a master’s degree in counseling. Then, with some extra time on her hands, she gave leadership to the development of the Ashland County Community Foundation, which serves such a vital role in our community. I want to be like Lucille when I grow up.

The old crooner himself mused about the passage of life. Frank Sinatra began his reflection with seventeen, which “was a very good year.” Years twenty-one and thirty-five made the cut as well, with perfumed hair and limousines respectively. But for Sinatra, there was something to be said about the unnumbered years of autumn, seen as a “vintage wine . . . that poured sweet and clear.” 

Indulge me in a personal pep talk. “Buck up, sister. Time to quit whining. You’re privileged to be a Golden Buckeye and a grandmother. Enjoy the ride, the discounts, and the silver hair. Embrace the wisdom you’ve earned. And just think: if life begins at forty, as the old saying goes, you’re only twenty-five!” Can’t get any better than that.