Kinder, Gentler

I enjoy reading quotes from famous people (yep, I’m that nerd). In looking at some ideas on aging, I found the following from President George H. W. Bush, who went skydiving on his eightieth and ninetieth birthdays. “Get out and do something. If you don’t want to do a parachute jump, do something else, don’t just sit around watching TV, talking to it. Get out there and realize that at eighty years old, you’ve still got a life.” 

Back in the day, Bush caught some flack over banning broccoli from Air Force One. He was adamant: “I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m president of the United States, and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.” You tell ‘em, George.

I was reminded of a phrase he used in his inaugural address in 1988, suggesting that among his goals was the achievement of a “kinder, gentler nation.” “America  is never wholly herself unless she is engaged in high moral principle. We as a people have such a purpose today. It is to make kinder the face of the nation and gentler the face of the world.” I’m not sure we were any kinder as a nation as a result of his words or his policies, but it was a nice sentiment. 

Today? I’d settle for a kinder, gentler comment section on social media. It’s nasty out there. A recent on-line post about the teen who died in the chimney in Port Clinton elicited a slew of conspiracy comments and cruel words about his parents. Ugly. 

Consider the experience of Meghan and Harry. The impact of the tabloids and the paparazzi has been multiplied by the internet, and hundreds of thousands of people have weighed in on their recent decision to seek a more normal life for their family. Not a lot of empathy being extended to the man who was only twelve years old when he lost his mum in such a terrible way. 

It’s frustrating to see our former Vice President mocked for his struggle with stuttering. Captain “Sully” Sullenberger, the pilot who landed his plane on the Hudson River in 2009, chose to respond with an op-ed. He wrote of his own stuttering, and how difficult it was as a child. He had a message for children affected by a “culture of cruelty.” He said: “You are fine just as you are. You can do any job you dream of when you grow up.” He continued: “A speech disorder is a lot easier to treat than a character defect. You become a true leader, not because of how you speak, but because of what you have to say – and the challenges you have overcome to help others.”

One more example. Nicholas Kristof, a New York Times columnist, and his wife, Cheryl WuDunn, wrote “Tightrope: Americans Reaching for Hope.” Described as a deeply personal plea, it’s told through the lives of real Americans, “to address the crisis in working-class America, while focusing on solutions to mend half a century of government failure.” Kristof recently shared an essay from the book , telling of the children from his childhood school bus 6 in Yamhill, Oregon. Following their stories into adulthood, they all too often ended in what Kristof termed “deaths of despair,” accident, suicide, addiction. 

While Kristof’s column focused on systemic issues at play in the decline faced by working class Americans, many responses pointed to the primacy of personal responsibility. One noted, “This article describes ruined, pitiful people. The main problem they have is weakness of character.”

Life is difficult. Our children make tragic choices. Celebrities face immense scrutiny. Those with challenges of many types face the mockery of some and the scorn and blame of others. 

President Bush was able to ban broccoli, but kindness and gentleness cannot be legislated. Yet still I find hope in Kristof’s description of an alternative social narrative: “infused with empathy and a morality of grace that is less about pointing fingers and more about offering helping hands.” Kinder and gentler or a culture of cruelty? The choice awaits us every day.