My friend Lauren is a grandmother of seven, including triplets, while I only have four grandkids. Halfway through a day watching our two-year-old cousins, the charming Henry Kyle and the sweet Emma Belle, I desperately texted my friend with these words: “How did you ever take care of triplets? I’ve had two little ones today, and I’m exhausted – and it isn’t even lunch time yet!”
Because Emma and Henry don’t see each other every day, they are still figuring out how to get along, and haven’t totally mastered the concept of sharing. Their interactions are a microcosm of human behavior at its best – and sometimes at its worst.
A pattern is emerging in the days they are together. First, they greet each other through the glass door with squeals of joy from Emma and a side-ways grin from Henry. They are excited to see each other, quickly heading to the toys. But then it starts to go south, as Henry wants to check out all of the toys and Emma wants to protect her turf – and her Toy Story friends. It’s not that either one really wants to play with a specific toy – they just don’t want the other one to play with said toy, especially Woody and Buzz.
Sometimes they hide the toys they want the most, while I’ve also observed one torment the other, holding out a toy and then swiftly running away with the prize. It’s hilarious to watch as they plot and plan their attack and defense. They remind me of the movement out of the gate at the Kentucky Derby as they jockey for position, even for the best seat on Nana’s lap. I have resorted to the dreaded warning a time or two: “If you’re going to fight over that toy, I’ll take it and then neither one of you can have it.” My mother used to call it, “biting off your nose to spite your face.”
As I watch the little ones, I am reminded of human behavior, in marriage and families, in Israel and Palestine, and even in the U.S. Capitol. Divorce lawyers make big bucks because couples can’t find agreement over the family pet or time with the children. Tensions simmering for years in the Mideast have reached a boiling point this week , and if I understand correctly, it’s primarily a disagreement over territory. And an elected official in a leadership position in Washington proudly said, “One-hundred percent of our focus is on stopping this new administration.” Not to work towards shared concerns for the people of this country, such as fighting the pandemic, building much-needed infrastructure, or sorting out racism or immigration. Why? Because someone else is holding Buzz Lightyear.
Is it because the “other” is inherently evil, the bad guy? Toy Story creator Andrew Stanton weighs in on the rather unsavory characters of Sid and Stinky Pete the Prospector: “Yes, in the eyes of toys, Sid is a brutal baddie . . . [yet] he’s at that age where blowing stuff up is more interesting than anything else.” As for Stinky Pete, Stanton wonders, “If I was stuck in a box and never got played with, what would it do to me?”
Here’s the rub – I do expect parents, Mideast leaders and elected officials to be more mature than Sid, Stinky Pete, and my favorite two year olds. We can do better, because even the little ones are beginning to do better each day. By lunch time, they’re sharing their food, and by early afternoon, they’re playing together, realizing that if they’re on their best behavior, they won’t have to take a nap right away. They’re already beginning to learn the kindergarten lessons, Robert Fulghum spells out: “Share everything. Play fair. Don’t hit people. Don’t take things that aren’t yours. Say you’re sorry when your hurt somebody. Clean up your own mess. Flush.” I may be worn out by the end of the day, but I have a renewed sense of hope for humankind. If two little cousins can figure it out, surely we can do the same.
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