In our old(er) age, Larry and I are creatures of habit in our television viewing. By 8 or 9 p.m., we settle down in front of the screen to watch network television. Among “our” shows are the NCIS and Law and Order series. We have a long history, as the first Law and Order episode aired in 1990, and SVU premiered on September 20, 1999.
The inimitable Leroy Jethro Gibbs of NCIS is a relative newcomer to our lives, debuting in 2003. I recently watched a couple of episodes from 2003 and 2004, and was struck by how much Gibbs has changed. His early interactions with his team showed a man who was arrogant, rude, and often unkind (or downright mean) to the people who worked for him. While he is still no Mother Teresa, the years have brought a transformation to Gibbs. He is still quirky and intense, but he exhibits kindness from time to time, and his arrogance has been tempered by all that life has brought his way over the past twenty years.
Can people change? In the hope of emerging from the Pandemic of 20-21, that question is often on my mind. Who do I want to be in the years ahead? Who do we as individuals, families, communities, churches, or even a country want to be when the dust from COVID-19 settles around us?
Olga Khazan, a science writer for The Atlantic, provided some answers in her recent New York Times op-ed. Khazan tells us that “adults can alter the five traits that make up a personality – extroversion, openness to experience, emotional stability, agreeableness and conscientiousness,” and we can do so within a few months. Khazan does warn us, however: “Changing a trait requires acting in ways that embody that trait, rather than simply thinking about it.”
Consider those five characteristics. First, extroversion. Post-pandemic, do you wish to be more out-going or less? Are you starved for contact with people, or has the relative solitude been a balm for your soul? Perhaps you’ve been longing to become more open to varied experiences, the second element of change. What might that look like over the next year, the next five years? Sky-diving? Planting a garden?
As for emotional stability, how might you better regulate your emotions? Can you discover ways to be more agreeable with others, kinder, more empathetic (#4)? And being conscientious regarding our responsibilities and relationships – that’s a no-brainer for a long-term over-achiever, but an extra measure of dependability could boost the character of some people I know.
But how does change occur? Faith traditions suggest a supernatural experience is needed to bring about profound change. A personal trainer insists a pattern of regular exercise can change our bodies. A counselor offers cognitive behavioral therapy or even Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories. Peers challenge us to fake it till we make it. Now, there’s even an app developed by Dr. Mirjam Stieger, reminding us to perform small tasks that tweak our personalities. What did we ever do before cell phones?
It’s tempting to excuse the prickly personality of another person by saying, “that’s just who Gibbs is – he can’t help himself.” A similar scenario is unfolding with Law and Order, as we haven’t seen detective Elliot Stabler in ten years. Since only three episodes have aired since his return, it may be too early to tell, but from what I’ve witnessed so far, he hasn’t done as well as Gibbs in character development, especially in the emotional stability and agreeableness categories. But if Gibbs can do it, there has to be hope for Elliot – and for us.
It’s not too late, not for Stabler or for us, as the timing of 2021 offers great opportunity. Khazan explains her thinking: “What better time for transformation than now, when no one has seen you for a year, and might have forgotten what you were like in the first place?” If she offers inspiration, then Alan Watts provides the map: “The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” Shall we dance?
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