As young Salvation Army officers, we attended a yearly three-day retreat, and my parents traveled to our home to care for our sons, generally with good results. However, family lore holds a few traumatic memories for grandparents and grandsons. One that comes to mind is when Spartacus, our rescue dog, escaped out the front door and took off for parts unknown. My dad finally tracked down the dog and coaxed him into the car. Bringing him into the house and taking off the leash, my dad stared helplessly as our wandering dog ran through the house and out the (open) back door.
When our son and daughter-in-law recently asked me to watch their kids for five days while they went on a short vacation, I immediately said “yes.” Piece of cake, I thought, as I’m with the kids each week, they know me well, and we’ll have great fun. Adventures in babysitting, here I come.
So there I was, with the lovely Madelyn Simone (11), the delightful and determined Elizabeth Holiday (5), and the charming Henry Kyle (nearly 2), along with Drax, the 100 lb. family dog who barks like a girl and slobbers a lot! And no, the dog didn’t run away, for which I am eternally grateful.
Day 1. One girl on the school bus, one sick kindergartener, and one energetic toddler. With a three-hour Zoom meeting already on my schedule, Uncle Drew arrived to watch the kids for the afternoon so I could meet my commitment.
Day 2. It’s picture day at school, and while dresses were selected the night before, last minute changes were in the air. Could we possibly find tights that fit and matched their dresses? As the two girls hurried down the driveway to catch the school bus with water bottles, name tags, back packs, snacks and masks in place, I was ready for a nap.
Day 3. No school, but chilly weather and COVID-19 restrictions kept us from hitting up the mall, visiting the zoo, or grazing free samples at Sam’s Club, all things we haven’t been able to do in a year. We ended up with lunch at Wendy’s drive-through, a five-minute romp on a windy playground, ice cream cones at Dairy Queen, and a visit to the car wash. Not the greatest adventure, but at least we got out of the house. Popcorn and the final episode of Wanda Vision completed our night, as Lizzie patiently attempted to explain the action to me. Saturday brought a six hour respite provided by the kids’ other grandparents, and by Sunday, one or two of us may have been counting down the hours until the parents returned.
A full-time, five day stint at grandparenting wasn’t easy. And I had the bells and whistles of Hulu, Netflix, Disney Plus, and kids who knew how to work the remote, along with the internet, reliable transportation, and money for Dairy Queen. Fortunately, my family circumstances allowed me to turn in my super-Nana credentials after five days, yet that is not reality for too many grandparents, as at least three million children are currently being raised by their grandparent(s) across the United States.
Many custodial grandparents cashed in their dreams of retirement when addiction or imprisonment, illness or death intervened. While some have adequate financial resources and support systems, many don’t. In only five days, I felt that pressure. Family was within fifteen minutes, but I was on my own when Henry coughed in the middle of the night, the internet was down, or we needed something from the grocery store.
Speaking to his daughter in “To Kill a Mockingbird,” Atticus Finch said, “If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view, until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
We don’t know what our neighbors are walking through in these days. A kind word, a suggested play date, or a twenty dollar bill may be a much-needed lifeline to a custodial grandparent near you. Trust me, five days in their skin clearly opened my eyes!
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