How Are We Doing?

COVID-19.  How are we doing? How are we – you and me –  coping, changing? I’ll start. I’ve had epic fails in my Suzie Homemaker apron. Soggy broccoli-cheddar quiche and my mother’s beloved recipe for chocolate cookies with white frosting – in the trash. I’ve been accused of not cooking with love like my mother did, but these were the worst.

I’ve been tearing up more, and not just over my cooking. High school stadiums turned their lights on across the state at 8:20 p.m. (20:20 in military time) on the 20^thto honor the graduation class of 2020. A handful of senior musicians, at the appropriate social distance, bravely played the Ashland fight song one more time. “Hail, Ashland High School.” Sob.

I’m also seeing the good, the bad and the ugly in myself in a brighter light these days. The Enneagram, an ancient model, describes nine major personality types by number, simplistically understood as a person’s “need to _______.” Thus, #1 needs to be perfect (the perfectionist), #2 needs to be needed (the helper), #3 needs to succeed (the achiever), #4 needs to be special (the individualist), #5 needs to perceive (the observer), #6 needs to protect self (the loyalist), #7 needs to avoid pain (the optimist), #8 needs to be against (the challenger), and #9 needs to avoid (the peacemaker). This fascinating framework, long a self-revealing companion on my journey, is speaking to me again in Corona days. 

Why tell you this? This pandemic is sending us to our Enneagram corners, so to speak. My #2 helper friends are being super-helpful, donating blood, sewing masks, and delivering food to shut-ins. Special #4s are telling the world about the challenges of their very unique self-quarantine on Facebook Live, while #8s are contradicting the scientists, yelling at the television, and pushing back against mask-wearing at the grocery store. Me? I’m a #5, and my need to perceive, my need to know is driving me to the internet even before I get out of bed. What’s new about the virus overnight? What did Dr. Acton say today? What about Dr. Fauci? Our governor? If only I can get more information . . . But then what?  

The Enneagram framework teaches that our greatest gift is also our greatest sin. When we seek information, help others, or protest against injustice, our strengths contribute in positive way. But when our gift becomes all-consuming, time for a re-boot. 

How are you doing? Struggling? Let me use my “5” gift to share a simple four-fingered model to get us through these days. Psychiatrist Sue Varma suggests “the four Ms,” not to be confused with four handfuls of M&M’s (that helps too). 

She begins with practicing Mindfulness, being fully present to your mind and to the rhythm of the activity or time you are in. The opposite of “earth calling Mom.”

The second is Mastery – getting better at something, preferably not kitchen-related for me. Many are enjoying puzzles in these days, as a completed puzzle gives us a sense of accomplishment. The more pieces, the better! The charming Henry Kyle is walking, and sweet Emma Belle now crawls. Ashland musician extraordinaire Kelly Knowlton took up the accordion – and posted to Facebook. Other friends are mask-making, designing websites, researching genealogy, wrestling with Common Core math, and reupholstering chairs. Wow! BTW, want to learn more about the Enneagram? Ashland pastor Nate Bebout’s book, “More than a Number,” expands on my barebones introduction. 

Movement is #3. Get up from that worry chair. Walk around the block. Plant a garden. Do chalk art on the sidewalk. When the sun shines (and it will one of these days), get outside. Move.

The final M? Meaningful engagement, minus the hugs and kisses for now (sad-face emoji). Go back to the old wells of letter-writing and phone calls, or chatting over the backyard fence. Or, like our family and Bible study group did this week, check out the new-fangled technology and have a Zoom call, Hollywood Square-style engagement. 

Let  me close with a benediction. Wash your hands, beloved. Be mindful. Try something new. Create. Move. Stay connected. Ask for what you need. Send cookies! Be gentle with yourself and others, dear ones. #wewillgetthroughthistogether.