The Ghosts of Your Social Mistakes

Lillian Eichler Watson was a copywriter in the early decades of the twentieth century who asked, “Are you haunted by the ghosts of YOUR social mistakes?” Well known in her time for her rewrite of The Book of Etiquette, she also wrote The Book of Conversation, Volumes 1 and 2.She provided guidance for polite conversation: “Politics and religion are dangerous subjects, for they may cause ill feeling even in the most cultivated company.” 

As I remember the Christmas dinners of my childhood, Lillian’s counsel was seldom heeded, much to my Aunt Florence’s chagrin. Our extended family crowded into the Harris dining room, and somewhere between the ham and the chiffon cake, conversation began to get heated, helped along by what I later understood to be liberal splashes of alcohol. Politics, religion, the Buffalo Bills, economic woes, the Vietnam War, the hippies and draft-dodgers who were sending the country to hell in a handbasket – no topic seemed off-limits. My siblings and I were the youngest of the cousins, and as I got older, I prided myself on being able to follow the dialogue and even contributing my opinion from time to time. I doubt we came to consensus, but the conversation provided some great dramatic moments before Aunt Florence chased us all into the living room to sing of peace on earth, goodwill to men.

Fast forward to the end of 2019, and many people were dreading the conversations around the dining room table during holiday gatherings. Saturday Night Live offered glimpses of what it might look like if the “I” topic was raised, with Chris Redd’s character warning: “Dad, c’mon, you’re going to rile everyone up.” When Kenan Thompson began to talk about Bad Boys III, Redd responded that he’d rather talk about politics instead!

For those needing help in preparing for those potential discussions, a website was launched on Christmas Eve to provide talking points for winning arguments with “that liberal snowflake relative.” Not sure what’s out there from the other side, but there’s probably something. 

To add more fuel to the politics/religion fire, Mark Galli, the long-time editor-in-chief of Christianity Today, published an editorial that drew so much attention that it crashed the CT website for a time. The responses were immediate, some relieved that a prominent Christian magazine was finally speaking out about the moral character of leadership, while others pointed fingers of judgment at Galli and CT for being “a progressive rag.” Jerry Falwell Jr. (Liberty University) argued that if Jesus lived today, the elitist liberal wing of evangelicalism that CT supposedly represents would call him “a smelly Walmart shopper.” Huh?

CT’s president, Timothy Dalrymple, later wrote to explain why the editor-in-chief spoke out, and why the conversation must continue as a “flag in the whirlwind.” I don’t think Dalrymple was making a connection with Frank Herbert, the author of the science fiction favorite Dune, but CT has definitely experienced what Herbert described: “When religion and politics ride in the same cart, the whirlwind follows.”  

Dalrymple asked an important question, no matter what decade. “With profound love and respect, we ask our brothers and sisters in Christ to consider whether they have given to Caesar what belongs only to God: their unconditional loyalty.” He was also clear in his hope for the days ahead: “We at Christianity Today believe we need to relearn the art of balancing two things: having a firm opinion and inviting free discussion. We need, in other words, both a flag and a table.”

Author Julianna Baggott believes “that one of the most damning things about our culture is the adage to never talk religion and politics. Because we don’t model this discourse at the dinner table and at Thanksgiving, we don’t know how to do it well and we’re not teaching our children about the world and about how to discuss it.” 

Christmas dinner 2019 is history, but 2020 will bring new opportunities to consider faith and how it intersects with the governance of our community and country. Galli’s words provide a compass: “Remember who you are and whom you serve.” Dinner, anyone?