With Appreciation

While singing along with the music of “Frozen” with the lovely Madelyn Simone and the delightful and determined Elizabeth Holiday, Lizzie often says, “You be Anna, I’ll be Elsa,” the Disney sister-princesses. Not every young woman’s #1 desire is to be a princess, but there is an attractiveness to the idea of royal living, with its promise of fame and fortune, shimmering ball gowns and sparkling jewels. 

Those of us who remember the fairy tale wedding of Diana and Prince Charles and then her tragic death in 1997 recognize that the fame of royalty can exact a formidable price upon its prisoners, especially young, beautiful women. Between the demands of the monarchy and the unwavering glare of a fishbowl filled with shark-like paparazzi, life as a modern-day princess isn’t a bed of roses. 

For Meghan Markle, an American actress who is now the wife of Prince Harry of Great Britain, life as a royal princess is more complicated than she imagined, especially with the incessant pressures of the tabloids. Recently, Meghan said, “I never thought it would be easy, but I thought it would be fair. And that’s the part that’s really hard to reconcile.” Prince Harry added: “Look, part of this job . . . means putting on a brave face and turning a cheek to a lot of the stuff. But again . . . there’s a lot of stuff that hurts – especially when the majority of it is untrue.” 

The need to turn the other cheek in public life isn’t limited to princes and princesses. This past week, a leading evangelical preacher opposed to women in the pulpit spoke disparagingly of Bible teacher Beth Moore, proposing she should “go home.” A fellow panelist suggested she was a narcissist, and also compared her to a television jewelry salesperson. Moore’s response was much more gracious than I could have managed. “I did not surrender to a calling of man when I was eighteen years old. I surrendered to a calling of God. It never occurs to me for a second to not fulfill it.” Instead of attacking her critics, she blessed them: “I esteem you as my sibling in Christ.”

As the assault on Moore illustrates, those whose lives are dedicated to ministry to others are not exempt from criticism, which has a lasting sting. Studies conducted by Dr. John Cacioppo (University of Chicago) show what he labeled the “negativity bias of the brain.” Apparently, our brains are more sensitive and responsive to unpleasant news, insults and criticisms – they hit us harder and stay with us longer. And as marriage therapist John Gottman notes, it takes five positive responses to outweigh the impact of one negative one.

Which leads me to the reminder that October is Pastor (or Clergy) Appreciation Month, nudging people in the pews to express appreciation for the care of those who provide leadership within the realm of faith. I’m glad it’s an entire month, because it gives the procrastinators in our midst (me included!) one more Sunday to say thank you.

And here’s the good news. Pastors don’t expect an all-expense-paid trip to the Holy Land in return for the work they do. They’re encouraged by a heartfelt note, a verbal thank you, or a home-baked apple pie. An offer to babysit the little ones, a gift card for books (my favorite), or a prayer for the pastor and family – all are simple ways to say “we care.”

Exodus 17 provides a valuable image of how to support those who serve. In the midst of the battle, Moses is exhausted. “Aaron and Hur brought a stone for him to sit on, while they stood beside him and held up his arms, holding them steady until the sun went down.”

Today, there’s a pastor with tired arms, a worn-out teacher, a mayor who needs a stone to sit on, and a royal princess and a young woman at the drive-through in need of a kind word. Here’s more good news. We don’t need to wait until Mayor Day, Princess Month, or Clergy Appreciation Sunday to come alongside, bring a stone, lift someone’s arms, or simply say: “you are appreciated.”