I’ve always been fascinated with the development of language, and was the recipient of an up close and personal view as my boys learned to talk. Now at eight and two, I’m getting a refresher course with our granddaughters. While the lovely Madelyn Simone has been chatty Cathy for years, she’s now discovering a bonus voice in the written word, reading chapter books and composing her own stories. She enjoys creating Saturday morning menus for our breffixt, with pancakes, backen, and orgene juce. Delicious.
As for the delightful and determined Elizabeth Holiday, we’re being treated to a front row seat as she tries out new expressions each day. She’s expanding her vocabulary through song, belting out “Let It Go” with Elsa, and entertaining us with the finger play, “Where is pumpkin?” aka thumpkin. She even sang along at Super Bowl halftime as Justin Timberlake crooned “Can’t Stop that Feelings,” a toddler fan favorite from “Trolls.”
We never quite know what’s going to come out of her mouth, a concept Art Linkletter turned into a popular segment on “House Party” years ago, hosting the “Kids Say the Darndest Things” feature. Just this week, Elizabeth recounting being scared by an animated dinosaur at the McKinley Museum. “Nana, I freaked out, I freaked out,” she loudly proclaimed.
What’s been especially noticeable with this little one is that humans aren’t born with a built-in language filter. Taking the girls home recently, she sat in her car seat and boldly pronounced, “shut up, shut up, shut up.” As badly as I wanted to laugh out loud, I had to muffle my chuckle and let her know those were not good words to use, especially when directed at her Pop-Pop. Her big sister quickly made it clear: “That’s not appropriate, Elizabeth.”
When we were first married, my husband would sometimes quote an elderly friend who was well known for saying: “If I think it, I might as well say it.” “No,” I would argue, “we need to filter what we say before we say it.” There’s a reason the Bible contains extensive instructions about the use of the tongue, such as the words from James, “everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,” and from Matthew 15, “you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” Perhaps we are defined by the words that come out of our mouths as well.
Is it possible to be honest in our words while still utilizing a filter for our speech? After all, some argue that only small children, drunk people, and yoga pants tell the truth. Yet biblical wisdom suggests it is possible to speak the truth in love, and experience tells us we can receive the truth about ourselves more readily when we know the truth-teller is on our side.
But sometimes, words are spoken to us or about us with the intent to hurt, words meant to damage us. Then what? We do have some playground-tested responses to use, such as “I’m rubber, you’re glue, everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you,” or “sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.” Columnist Connie Schultz remembers her mother telling her, “when a boy starts calling you names, it’s because he has a crush on you.” Those words may be of some comfort to an eleven-year-old at recess, but as adults, we understand that words don’t bounce off of us, name-calling can damage well-earned reputations, and a crush from a mean boy can lead to an abusive marriage and the crush of domestic violence.
The challenge with our choice of words, especially in social media, e-mail and text, is that we have no feedback from the recipient’s face, no big sister naming our words as inappropriate, and no grandmother correcting our choice of words. Like toothpaste, once squeezed out, there’s no going back. So if your lips feels loose or your twitter finger starts twitching, remember this free advice from my grandmother lips to your ears (attributed to anonymous). “Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.”
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