Father-Love

Contrary to popular opinion, neither Mother’s Day nor Father’s Day was invented by Hallmark. Mother’s Day had its origins in Mothering Sundays within the church, and in the “Mother’s Work Days,” part of the peace and reconciliation campaign following the Civil War, which attempted to bring the mothers of Union and Confederate soldiers together.

Julia Ward Howe, an abolitionist and suffragette, issued a Mother’s Day Proclamation in 1870, calling for mothers to unite to promote world peace. But it wasn’t until 1908 that Anna Jarvis was able to spearhead the movement to make Mother’s Day a national holiday. Because of her efforts, President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill in 1914, proclaiming the second Sunday in May as a national Mother’s Day.

Efforts to boost a similar Father’s Day didn’t meet with the same success, perhaps because, as one unknown writer noted, men “scoffed at the holiday’s sentimental attempts to domesticate manliness with flowers and gift-giving, or they derided the proliferation of such holidays as the commercial gimmick to sell more products – often paid for by the father himself.” Although the day began to be recognized during the twentieth century, it wasn’t until 1972 that President Nixon officially declared the third Sunday in June as Father’s Day. Considering the National Retail Foundation projection that $15.5 billion dollars will be spent on Father’s Day this year, that writer’s words were prophetic.

While the average spending of $134.75 per shopper can buy quite a few ties and socks, it still pales in comparison to the $186 spent per shopper on Mother’s Day, probably due to the higher cost of the gift items than the measure of the worth of mom or dad. Now, many millennials are choosing experiential types of gifts instead of cologne, but I’m hoping our sons don’t decide to take their dad zip-lining for Father’s Day. Just saying . . .

Greeting cards and gifts have become part of the tradition, but beyond those, Father’s Day provides us a way to honor the men among us who have had a pivotal role in our own formation.

For me, the word father is personified in three generations of men. First, in my own father, gone now for nearly a dozen years. As exhausted as he must have been from long hours on the construction site each day, he was never too tired or too grumpy for his kids, or for the nieces, nephews, or neighbor kids who needed his attention. His commitment to his children is best seen in this image: at age fifteen, I wanted to participate in a march to raise funds for world hunger, and so my father walked alongside me for twenty-two miles. Umberto Eco’s words describe my dad perfectly: “I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.”  

As Larry and I entered the world of parenting, we quickly discovered how clueless we were as to how to raise a child. Yet his presence, through diaper blow-outs and tire blow-outs, peewee football games and high school band concerts, and even a recent ill-advised ride on the Gatekeeper at Cedar Point, has been a constant in the lives of our sons.

The delightful Elizabeth Holiday, who just celebrated her second birthday, often reaches into my purse and fishes out my phone, demanding, “Baby, baby?” She wants me to show her the video of her first moments of life, as the nurses observe her to determine her Apgar score. In the background, she hears our son: “It’s OK, baby girl. It’s daddy’s voice.” If she can’t quite understand it now, one day she will recognize the promise made by her father as captured in those precious seconds of video. “I’m here.”

Harlan Coben understands: “This is the price you pay for having a great father. You get the wonder, the joy, the tender moments – and you get the tears at the end, too.” I’m grateful for the tender moments I’ve experienced through the father-love so generously given in our family, and shining in the lives of families throughout our community. Happy Father’s Day.