A Passing Whisper of Wisdom

When news of the death of Martha Jorden reached me last Saturday, I was struck by a sense of loss that seemed disproportionate to my actual relationship with her. We'd met a few times, and there did seem to be a spark of connection between us, but we'd never lingered over a cup of coffee, we never rode motorcycles or horses together, and we never sat side-by-side at the bedside of a dying friend. She was on my short list of women in Ashland whom I want to get to know better, and I figured that one day, we'd make that happen. After all, we shared a number of interests and some mutual friends, and it would just be a matter of time before we'd find the time to come together. Yet with her death at age 64, it is not to be.

What I know about Martha is that her life has been about coming alongside. Whether in her work at Hospice North Central Ohio, in the counseling office she shared with her beloved husband John, or at the dinner table with friends, Martha turned "coming alongside" into an art form. Regular readers of the Ashland Times-Gazette can attest to this. While each week's Mental Health Matters column often provided factual information about issues like suicide, depression, grief, child abuse and more, Martha had a way of coming alongside even through the ink on the newsprint.

I turned to those words, grateful for the on-line archives of the newspaper that can supplement the columns I've stashed in my files over the last few years. So allow me to let the voice of Martha Jorden come alongside us for a few more moments this morning.

"Remember to be kind to yourself. Learning new ways of taking care of yourself takes time, perseverance and a good sense of humor to help lighten the challenges of change."

"Courage," said Martha, "is the part of our heart that speaks to those around us when hope is silent."

And then on grief: "Grief is not a problem to be solved, but a journey to be lived. We can either join in the journey or fight against it. We do not need to protect others from their grief. Rather, let us be present and love those we care about - and be gentle with their hearts."

And who can forget the mantra that ran in nearly every column: 'It is always OK to ask for help."

In words submitted the day before her death, Martha chose a story from a collection entitled "Everyday Greatness." After recounting the conscious decision of a man to be a loving father and husband while on vacation - "no ifs ands or buts," Martha wrote this to all of us: 'Long-term relationships take commitment and work. We make choices every day about our relationships - it truly is our decision to look for the best in each other, to take risks to grow, to change and to make room for differences." She then shared a final line from that account: Anderson (the husband) said, "I made a new vow to keep on remembering to choose love.""Yes," said Martha, "you can, too."

In June, Martha shared from the artist Flavia Weedn, quoting these words: "Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same. . . They help us become aware of the delicate winds of hope . . . and we discover within every human spirit there are wings yearning to fly. Some people awaken us to new and deeper realizations . . . for we gain insight from the passing whisper of their wisdom. "

This week, there are footprints on the heart of our community, along with an empty place at the table. We have gained insight and faith from the passing whisper of Martha's wisdom that will live on in the resiliency, courage and love she modeled as she came alongside the people of Ashland. She taught us to love deeply, and to grieve deeply. Blessed be Martha.