It's been a good choice

I ran into a friend I hadn’t seen since our retirement party, and she asked me, “Are you glad you stayed in Ashland?” After nearly twenty months of living in our own home in our choice of town, rather than where the Salvation Army assigned us, it was a fair question. And the answer is . . . Yes!

“How do I love thee?” asked poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning. “Let me count the ways.” First, unlike those who run off to Florida the day their Golden Buckeye card arrives in the mail, I happen to like snow. Growing up in Buffalo, you get used to it, I suppose. Sledding, snowball fights, snow people, snow angels, and fluffy snowflakes shimmering in the streetlights – much more interesting than beaches and palm trees.

Here’s another reason. After years of packing my own groceries and schlepping them to the car through the snow and slush (a necessary evil of the East coast), I’m glad someone else schleps them to my car and loads them in. Thanks, White Barn, Hawkins and Buehlers, for your extra mile service. To date, I haven’t driven away from Buehlers without my groceries.

I especially appreciate living in a community where the people at the BMV are friendly. I’ve experienced a horror story or two over the years, but on my recent trip to renew my license, the staff was courteous and kind – I like that! They didn’t even make me change the weight on my license. Made my day!

I’m excited for the future of Ashland, as the new schools are built and the community has an accessible, contemporary performance space at the new auditorium. I’m glad for the kids of Ashland, and can’t wait to see the middle –schoolers on their first day in their new digs.

Even though I haven’t been too faithful in my attendance at the study circles sponsored by the Center for Civic Life, I love the community conversations happening these days, especially around the subjects of the arts and our downtown. A community that talks together will grow together into the future. And I’m grateful, too, for the affirmations and actions of faith that permeate our community. We don’t always talk about those things, but they are the underpinnings that strengthen who we are and inform what we do.

And then there’s the university and the seminary, with the richness they bring to our city in so many ways. Sports, art, music, their libraries, entertainment, and thoughtful presentations – there’s a warm welcome at AU and ATS.

Here’s another reason I’m glad we stayed. I’m not living in a retirement community with a bunch of blue-haired old women and paunchy men. Instead, I’m in a real, live, multi-generational neighborhood. I can watch the children play (in the snow), chat with the kids on their way home from school, and catch up with friends at the supermarket (while someone else schleps my groceries).

While I sometimes complain that Ashland lacks the chain restaurants that other locations have, I really like our homegrown eateries, especially the Lynway, the Dairy Bar, and Kelly’s. I’ve got favorites at each, especially the pie. It may not be cutting edge gourmet, but who really likes artichokes and hummus?

Speaking of food, I love that our Dairy Queen stays open all year. Not every town is so lucky. After driving home from Wooster in the snowstorm the other night, I treated myself to a Blizzard, and it was worth every calorie. And, in the midst of that snowstorm, the A&W opened. Woohoo! The Coney dogs are calling my name for sure.

There’s more, but I’ll save some for a day when I’m desperate for a column idea. What I discovered is that my early impressions of Ashland were spot-on, as the Olympic skating commentators have been keen to say. It’s been almost eight years now, and I’m still a smitten immigrant, glad to call Ashland home. And the best part? It’s like Lauren Myracle says: “I live in my own little world. But it’s OK, they know me here.” Now if I could just get the lovely Madelyn Simone and her parents to move to Ashland . . .

Pick Me!

“Pick me, pick me!”  It’s the chant of the kindergartener wanting to be the line leader and the freshman running for student council.  It’s also the common message of the commercials that are relentlessly flooding the airwaves.  “Pick me, pick me!”

                How do we choose?  Consider the scenarios.  Does the kindergarten teacher choose the child jumping up and down in her enthusiasm for the role, or the one whose behavior has indicated that he can perform the task of leading others well?  Does the freshman class vote for the most popular, the one with the funniest speech, or the one committed to improving cafeteria meals?  And for President of the United States, who do we choose?  Experience, issues, popularity?  The most entertaining or least offensive commercials?  In our contemporary world of sound bites and tweets, do we vote for the one who makes the most noise, the most promises, or the fewest gaffes?  

In the midst of all the hype, how do we sort out what is true?  A phrase used during the presidential primary race to describe a certain candidate is perfect to illustrate what happens in the electoral process – it’s like a manure spreader in a windstorm.  How can the average voter sort out the issues while the air is so fragrant?

Here’s one example that hits us every time we put gasoline in our vehicles – the price at the pump.   Has the price of gas really doubled since Obama took office?  Is the current president to blame for the high prices of gasoline, and if elected, could Mr. Romney reduce the price of gas in time for our next vacation?  What’s really going on?

My friend Google pointed me to GasBuddy.com, where I found a graph of gas prices from 2008 to today.  Yes, the little sticker we see on some gas pumps is correct.  The cost of a gallon of that precious essential has doubled since the current president was elected/took office. 

No, that can’t be.  When was gas under $2 a gallon?  How did I miss that?  The reason I don’t remember it well is that prior to the precipitous drop right around the election of 2008, a gallon of gas had risen to $4, just in time for our summer vacation of 2008.  Its decline to under $2 per gallon lasted about 2 months, beginning its price rise even before President Obama was inaugurated.    

So, my next question is – was that the president’s fault?  His responsibility?  Did the price of gasoline, having reached an all-time high under a republican president, decline dramatically in anticipation of the election of a democrat?  Probably not.  Did President Bush work some kind of magic to reduce gasoline prices in his last few months in office?  Nope, not likely.  Or does the price of gasoline fluctuate based on Wall Street, the weather in the Gulf of Mexico, and other factors of supply and demand, rather than who is in the White House?  Well . . .

After being bombarded with political ads that proclaim to tell us the truth, how can the average voter figure it out?  Some websites promise to check the facts for us, but the browser must consider the source of the website to ascertain its bias.  It’s important to listen carefully, to ask questions, and to dig into the facts for ourselves.  And here’s a hint - if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it probably is a duck, even if it says it’s a donkey or elephant.

An Abbott and Costello film clip is a timely reminder for these days of inventive truth-telling.   In his classic comedy routine, Lou Costello uses addition, multiplication and division to prove that 13 x 7 equals 28.  The gag went so well the first time (In the Navy, 1941) that it was also included in A Little Giant in 1948.  Now you know and I know that 13 x 7 does not equal 28, but given the right amount of persuasion, confusion, and repetition, it’s possible to be convinced of almost anything.  That’s called being bamboozled.  Not the best way to pick the president of the USA.

No - and Yes!

When Ronald Reagan began his presidency in 1981, his wife Nancy took on a campaign of her own to reduce the use of recreational drugs.  She first introduced “Just say no” thirty years ago in a school in California, and it became her marquee platform during her time as First Lady.  “Just Say No” clubs were formed in schools, and Reagan even appeared in Diff“rent Strokes to spread the word.  When asked about the campaign, she said, “If you can save just one child, it’s worth it.” 

I’m not sure if any of those clubs are still in existence here in Ohio, but if they are, I know a little girl who wants to join.  Our granddaughter, the lovely Madelyn Simone, is firmly entrenched in the land of no.  I attempted to put her in her car seat, only to be met with a blood-curdling “nooooooooo,” flailing arms and an arched back.  When we got back home, I tried to take her out of her car seat and heard the same refrain – “No.”  Let’s put your shoes on.  No.  Let’s take your shoes off.  No.  It’s time to go potty.  With this one, she looked me straight in the eyes, put on her mean face and blatantly said NO. 

Since we were on quite a roll, I tried another tactic.  Do you want a freezer pop?  Yes.  So much for reverse psychology.  Yet as frustrating as her behavior is for her parents and grandparents, Madelyn is doing exactly what she should be doing at age 2.  As developmental psychologist  Erik Erikson would suggest, it’s all about autonomy.   She’s developing a sense of personal control over physical skills and seeking independence.   

Observing this particular stage of life from the perspective of a grandparent is fascinating to me, especially because I don’t need to deal with it 24/7 – she can go home!  But it has challenged me to think about the role of “no” and “yes” in our daily lives.  Just as some have “the glass is half empty” perspective on life, some of us may be stuck in a Madelyn time warp, where a “no” comes to our lips much easier than a “yes.”  I’m not sure that’s a healthy or happy place to pitch a tent.

Recent Harvard grad Adrienne Lee explains: “It’s a mindset that says that when offered the opportunity to enjoy a valuable new experience, or to enrich a social relationship, I will try to prioritize such an opportunity.”   While it may be a great tool for a college student exploring the possibilities for the future,  “yes” remains an important word for just about any age group – at least when it comes to the positive choices in our lives.

While it may be healthy for Madelyn to use “no” to seek her independence, I’ve decided to put more “yes” into my life.  I want to say yes to trying something I’d normally avoid (but not skydiving), tasting a new food (but not sushi), or listening to a different genre of music (not going to offend anyone with this one).   Instead of the default setting “no,” I can choose to say yes unless I have a strong reason to say no.  Now, please do not give my number to your favorite telemarketer - I do need to draw the line somewhere.

 As for Madelyn, getting in the car seat is non-negotiable, so a “no” simply isn’t acceptable, but if she wants to walk around with one shoe on, well, go for it, girl. But I also want her to have more “yes” in her life, so it’s time to introduce her to one of her father’s favorite books – Mercer Mayer’s All By  Myself. I can kick my ball, I can roll on the ground, I can put on my socks - all by myself.  Yes, you can, Miss Madelyn.

Ashland Seminary’s long-time professor Dr. Jerry Flora often prays, “For what lies ahead, we say ‘yes.’”  That’s what living fully, living in faith, is all about.  So despite our very different stages in life, here’s hoping Madelyn and I can both join the “just say yes” club – at least until she becomes a teen-ager.