"Mine"

We had the pleasure of a two-day sleepover with the lovely Madelyn Simone and the delightful Elizabeth Holiday this past weekend (smiley face emoji). We picked tomatoes and peppers from my hot mess of a garden, explored the delights of the Kendig playground in Hayesville, took in a Halloween-like haul of candy at Ashland’s Labor Day parade, and soaked up the late summer sunshine in our backyard.

Watching the dynamics between the two sisters, ages seven and two, brought a fascinating glimpse at humanity. In selected moments of time, they reminded me of “Sisters, Sisters,” sung so memorably by the Haynes Sisters (Rosemarie Clooney and Vera-Ellen) in “White Christmas.” “Sisters, sisters, there were never such devoted sisters . . . those who have seen us know that not a thing could come between us.” Yes, at times Irving Berlin’s words were a perfect description of Madelyn and Elizabeth. But you know what’s coming, don’t you?

I chose the adjective “delightful” when our sweet Lizzie Lou was born, but in the throes of her two-year-old personality development, a better choice is “determined.” In her desire to keep up with her big sister, I heard, “Shisshie, wait,” at least a hundred times over the weekend as her little legs chugged across along. Her plea was met with an age-appropriate amount of tolerance on Madelyn’s part, but the big sister had her moments of exasperation with the persistent toddler as well.

More exasperating to me was the fighting. Elizabeth’s budding vocabulary has landed fully on the word, “MINE,” no matter what the object in question is. Madelyn is good about sharing, but there were times when Elizabeth’s demands were met with either furtive manipulation or bodily resistance, as they fought over a plastic baseball bat, a tiny jumping monkey, and a tomato (you can guess where that went). I reminded Madelyn that she was the older sister, and she was better able to understand and to help Elizabeth to share, but the little one also needs to learn that she can’t have everything she wants. While I managed to keep myself in check, I just wanted to scream at them, “Can’t you girls get along with each other?”

As their sibling relationship develops, they are indeed a microcosm of the world around us. We may ascribe to the sentiment expressed in “Love your neighbor as yourself,” and do pretty well with it most of the time, but when push comes to shove, all too often we want what’s “mine” and are willing to get nasty if it will help us hold on to what we have or grab ahold of what we want (whether material goods or fiercely-held opinions). Our faith traditions tell us we’re not meant to hate our enemies, but we struggle to find ways to bridge the chasms that come between us.

That’s why I’m looking forward to this week’s visit of Dr. Susan Glisson and Charles Tucker to Ashland University. Their work is centered on leading individuals and communities to examine their own attitudes and biases so together they can build trust and sustain respectful relationships. In this 2017 Symposium Against Indifference, sponsored by Ashland University’s College of Arts and Sciences and the Department of Religion, the speakers will focus on ways that people of various backgrounds can build bridges through dialogue. Tuesday evening’s presentation about “No More Enemies” will use Henry Wadsworth Longfellow’s words, “My enemy is someone whose story I haven’t heard,” as a touchstone. Wednesday’s interactive workshop at 7:30 p.m. will introduce participants to the tools and techniques of the Welcome Table process that Glisson and Tucker successfully use in their work. The university’s welcome mat at Upper Convo is warmly extended to the Ashland community and beyond for this visit, and more details can be found on the AU website.

Soon, Elizabeth’s vocabulary (and comprehension) will expand from “mine” to “ours,” and we can begin the conversation of relationship. In this chaotic, disconnecte world of 2017, we too can choose “ours” over “mine,” for as Eleanor Roosevelt understood, “If we are to live together we have to talk.” Thanks, AU, for the opportunity to develop more tools for our dialogue toolkit.